G’ma: What would you like for dessert? Jonah: Pumpkin pie! G’ma: Pumpkin pie, what, dear? Say the magic word. Jonah: I’m sorry, Grandma. Pumpkin pie, abracadabra! ~~ G’pa: No turkey to eat this year. It was arrested by the Casper police? Jadin: Why, Grandpa? G’pa: I think it was using…

“Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading”. ~~Thomas Jefferson Ten Insights from Gun Owners: 1. Guns have only two natural enemies: rust and liberal politicians. 2. It is always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. 3. Police carry guns to…

Flying home from the conference and activities of Texas today (Cowboys won in OT; what a great way to cap the week), and want to spend some special time with the bride when I get back. Asked her what she wanted to make it special. She suggested, in her subtle…

15+ years ago, Wichita pastor Joe Wright offered a prayer before the Kansas State Legislature in Topeka. When he finished, three members jumped to their feet and indignantly shouted, “He can’t talk like that!” One representative called the prayer “gross, divisive, sanctimonious, and overbearing.” Another called it “blasphemous and ignorant.”…

[And of course, we have even MORE Bagpipe jokes. BTW, these are classic “FlexiJokes” so you may interchange bagpipe with the instrument of your choice that you wish to deride. Drummer. Cello. Saxophone. All fair game!] Q. What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead…

{Here are more jokes that allow you to change the subject/butt of the joke to suit the audience. Feel free to change the CAPITALIZED subject to suit your personal prejudices, political leaning, hair color, state/country of origin or profession.] Jack and his companions were in a hot air balloon which…

[15+ years ago, Randy Miller sends this collection of bagpipe jokes for Grif.Net readers. They may be used with ANY INSTRUMENT (oboe, clarinet, cello) of your displeasure.] Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one. — Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe…

[Many jokes allow you to change the subject/butt of the joke to suit the audience. Feel free to change the CAPITALIZED subject to suit your personal prejudices, political leaning, hair color, state/country of origin or profession. You’re welcome!] The Tooth Fairy, an Honest POLITICIAN and Davy Crockett were walking along…

My wife was pulled over by a trooper who said she was weaving. She replied, “I was not. I was crocheting.” For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients. Never buy a pit-bull from a one armed man. I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. I…

God bless our veterans this Armistice Day weekend. I read a story of a soldier who was severely injured in an explosion Iraq. His face was badly disfigured, and he lost his eyesight as well as both hands. He was just a new Christian, and one of his greatest disappointments…

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly grey, It didn’t have a father, just some borrowed DNA. It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan, It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone. And soon it had a fellow clone,…

ON PUBLISHING: “Send in the details. Never mind the facts.” (Telegram from editor of New York World to his Washington correspondent) ON SPELLING: “This ain’t the way to spell my name.” (Baseball legend Yogi Berra when given a check saying “Pay to Bearer”) ON SUCCESS, EARLY SIGNS OF: “In the…

Some jokes are written. Even if they are stolen by other people, it’s not hard to track them down and find the original source. Other jokes form in the ‘ether’. They are the jokes forwarded to you by your parents, tweeted by fake celebrity accounts, posted on the Grif.Net by…