Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical questions? “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! 4 out of 5 voices in my head say ‘Call in sick’ Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like bananas; celery stalks along the…

[PT said this was true]. My wife was reading to our little two-year-old son at bedtime the story of the Good Samaritan. She got to the place where lawyer challenges Jesus’ authority with a question. My wife read the lawyer’s question: “And who is my neighbor?” “I know!” said my…

An older doctor passed a cute young staff member in the hospital corridor. He cauterize and winked at her. Intern, she winked back. Age was creeping up on him and he was morphine into a senior citizen, but vowed to trach her down for a date. He didn’t want to…

The first Christmas there were actually FOUR kings who came from the East searching for the baby Jesus. They were named Why, What, Where, and a fourth king, Whence. Along the way, Whence (with no GPS?) took a wrong turn on his camel, separated from the caravan, and was never…

[My cyber-friend Jack Murphy who often uses grif.net humor in his columns recently had this thoughtful essay published. So now I am quoting him!] TIME TO SEARCH FOR CHRISTMAS This is the time of year that reminds me of one of my pet peeves. We often hear from merchants that…

As a pastor I enjoy reading of OTHER preacher’s faux pas from the pulpit or in a bulletin, etc. But really chuckled over this one. The pastor was talking about the baptism of Jesus from the Gospel of Mark (1:9). He didn’t quite have the words in the correct order.…

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. In my next life I’m going to have more memory installed. Congratulation! You just won the Norwegian Lottery! 1,000,000 Lutefisk – 55 a day for 50 years! OK, so what’s the speed of dark? Friends may come and go, but enemies tend…

Working on a speech illustrating “aging”. Found some interesting quotations for encouragement: George Burns, “You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.” Ashleigh Brilliant, “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” Joan Rivers, “Time may be…

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. (It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.) Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Iron Works, Lumber Liquidators, Home Depot, John Deere,…

Ladies: You survived “Black Friday”. Today is “Cyber Monday”. But many, I’m afraid, still need help gift shopping for the man in your life. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When…

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. For once in her life ’twas on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room. School…

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone. Work is for people who don’t know how to fish. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into…

Christian: Grandpa, what is the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer? G’pa: I don’t know Christian: A pirate buries his treasures and the farmer treasures his berries. ~~ Austin: Grandma, do you think a turkey is a better drummer than me? G’ma: Maybe. Remember it was born with…