Grif.Net

According to TV Guide, the top five animated cartoon characters were: 5. Cartman 4. Spongebob Squarepants 3. Angelica Pickles 2.The Grinch 1. Bugs Bunny But when they rate “duos” (cartoon characters linked together) they came up with a totally different list. Your task is to try to guess (please don’t…

A highway patrolman pulled over a trucker. “I’ve observed your driving for a number of miles and everything was safe and legal. I am pleased to tell you you’ve earned a special Safe Driver Award that our state gives to one driver each month. Congratulations! What do you plan to…

A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall tower stand near highway 481 in Maverick Co., TX, early one cold December morning. Suddenly, a huge buck walked out over the corn they had spread in the senderos w/a tailgate feeder. Moving quickly, the hunter carefully aimed the Leupold…

One morning a little dog followed its master to school. His owner was a fourth grader at Hawthorne Elementary School. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child’s classroom before a teacher noticed and shoo’ed him outside, closing…

[Roger forwarded this odd collection of bumper stickers] Have The Body Of A God – Buddha. So Many Pedestrians, So Little Time. Cleverly Disguised as a Responsible Adult. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. illiterate? Write For Help. Honk If Anything Falls Off. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! (Seen Upside Down On…

[Dave said his wife forwarded this to him. Wonder why??] WOMEN’S REVENGE “Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your…

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street,…

[Carol forwarded this interesting collection on the subject] “There are two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and so on.” — Robert Byrne “They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick’s Day: the Irish and the people who drive them home.” — Conan…

[I missed this on the wires, but Bob forwarded the news release] President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics. He stated: ‘Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, O la nadada ha salido ya del pais.’ Translation: ‘Pretty much everyone…

‘Some people!’ snorted a man standing some distance behind me in the long line at the grocery store. ‘You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line,’ said a woman. I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw…

[Larry forwarded this irreverent summary of the Bible from little eyes] In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God…

The buzzword of this election is “CHANGE.” Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Years ago, there was a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the “Gunny” that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The “Gunny” responded, “Aye, aye,…

[Joyce forwarded these examples of “speaking Suthran”] When you hear someone say, ‘Well, I caught myself lookin’,’ you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say ‘sweet tea’ and ‘sweet milk.’ Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we…