Grif.Net

Hey folks, this is your Pilot. We’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are by looking out your window, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra bag of goldfish snacks. ~~ Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up…

Feathers are light. The sun gives off light. Therefore, the sun gives off feathers. All tables have four legs. My dog has four legs. Therefore, my dog is a table. God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. Time is money. Money talks…

A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, “Either you learn to keep time or I’ll throw you overboard. It’s up to you, sync or swim.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus…

As you open your pockets for another natural disaster that is sure to come, keep these facts in mind and it might help you consider where your donations should go. Marsha J. Evans, President and CEO of the American Red Cross: salary for year was $651,957 plus expenses. Brian Gallagher,…

[Many students are hard at work in college. Or maybe just in college. But as a retired professor, I’d like to share some tips to help in writing your papers, essays, etc] Avoid alliteration. Always. Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. Remember…

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this,…

After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.” “Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows…

[Ken forwarded this list of MORE new Dog Breeds recognized by AKC. These are combinations of existing breeds] Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport Spitz + Chow Chow Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Pointer + Setter Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas…

(Our Titanic humor last week brought some suggestions of other jokes from avid grif.net junkies) The MIGHT have been overheard when the ship went down . . . So has the all-night buffet been cancelled? How big a carry on can I take on the lifeboat? So this isn’t New…

[Up in Alaska last week, looking up at the myriad of stars shining in the blackest of nights, brought to mind this song of my youth.] Doubt sees the obstacles, Faith sees the open way; Doubt sees the darkest night, Faith sees the sunlit day. Doubt dreads to take the…

[Returning from 2 week vacation including a CRUISE, I found myself in need of a diet. Teresa had gained back a little of the nearly 50 lbs she’d lost, but started losing again quickly on restarting the HCG Cord Diet she has at her clinic. So I made the commitment…

Saw a bunch of T-shirts in Alaska and British Columbia last couple weeks advertising places, towns, and glaciers. Yes, I have 2-3 in my dresser now. But thought THESE were more like “real life” slogans. I’m so busy I don’t know if I found a rope or lost a horse…

[On our ship dodging ice flows (no joke) in Tracy Arm Fjord in Alaska last week brought on a host of “Titanic” jokes. Here are some of the worst.] What was the last thing anyone said on the Titanic? ‘I know I ordered ice but this is ridiculous!’ The difference…