Grif.Net

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. “Oh please, Mommy, can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?” Quickly the mother checked the back of the…

[Gramma sent me this common-sense look at state budget problems] THE Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog and, since nothing was done, bites the Governor as well. **The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon…

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pike. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 11 hardened criminals. ~~ A policeman spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouted out the window, “Pull over!” “No,” she…

[Even MORE indications of getting older . . . ] You remember when Google, Wii. Netflix, iPod, email, modem were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table. You use more 4 letter words –“what?” “when?” Notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?…

[More thoughts on another year passing. Have any more? Send them in and share your insights with the world . . or at least 5000 of my closest friends that get the grif.net daily] Remember when your mother said “Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”? Now…

[DJ, a grif.net reader, forwarded these observations on aging and I found that only 99.44% of them were true . . . of my wife, of course.] It’s harder and harder to tell navy from black. Your kids are becoming you — and you don’t like them. But your grandchildren…

Christmas Eve, 2010. Dozens of armed men attacked the church, dragging the pastor out of his home and shooting him to death. Two young men from the choir who were rehearsing for a late-night carol service also were slain. The group of about 30 attackers armed with guns and knives…

Since more and more Seniors like me are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you…. ATD: At the Doctor’s BFF: Best Friend’s Funeral BTW: Bring the Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your…

My friend Joe had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and discovered that a new gal had been hired, a Miss Jane Clearly. She was absolutely gorgeous and he became quite besotted with her. After a…

As a New Year’s Resolution, an 85-year-old woman decided to learn sky diving. After she attended instruction classes, the day came for her first jump. Strapping on a parachute, she stood awaiting her turn to leap out of the plane. But when she looked at the ground below, she lost…

RESOLUTION #1: Self Improvement 2005: I will read at least 20 good books a year. 2006: I will read at least 10 books a year. 2007: I will read 5 books a year. 2008: I will finish ‘The Pelican Brief’. 2009: I will read some articles in the newspaper this…

[Jerry said 2011 does NOT look like it will be a great year for him.] The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. I ordered a burger at McDonald’s, and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?” Congress…

My husband and I had been happily married (most of the time) for five years but hadn’t been blessed with a baby. I decided to do some serious praying and promised God that if he would give us a child, I would be a perfect mother, love it with all…