Grif.Net

“I have the theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?” “My weight problem is hereditary. It was passed on from my mouth to my stomach.” “The problem with square meals is that they make you round.” “In…

I just got off the phone with a friend in North Dakota. She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. Her husband has done nothing but look through…

[Some old, some new but time to recycle the smiles. Where did the “chicken cross the road” originate? The first known appearance in print occurred in 1847 in ‘The Knickerbocker’, a New York monthly magazine: “There are ‘quips and quillets’ which seem actual conundrums, but yet are none. Of such…

Back in the 70’s when I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. Don’t know about you, but I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.…

The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. “Oh please, Mommy, can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?” Quickly the mother checked the back of the…

[Gramma sent me this common-sense look at state budget problems] THE Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog and, since nothing was done, bites the Governor as well. **The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon…

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pike. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 11 hardened criminals. ~~ A policeman spotted a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouted out the window, “Pull over!” “No,” she…

[Even MORE indications of getting older . . . ] You remember when Google, Wii. Netflix, iPod, email, modem were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table. You use more 4 letter words –“what?” “when?” Notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?…

[More thoughts on another year passing. Have any more? Send them in and share your insights with the world . . or at least 5000 of my closest friends that get the grif.net daily] Remember when your mother said “Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”? Now…

[DJ, a grif.net reader, forwarded these observations on aging and I found that only 99.44% of them were true . . . of my wife, of course.] It’s harder and harder to tell navy from black. Your kids are becoming you — and you don’t like them. But your grandchildren…

Christmas Eve, 2010. Dozens of armed men attacked the church, dragging the pastor out of his home and shooting him to death. Two young men from the choir who were rehearsing for a late-night carol service also were slain. The group of about 30 attackers armed with guns and knives…

Since more and more Seniors like me are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you…. ATD: At the Doctor’s BFF: Best Friend’s Funeral BTW: Bring the Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your…

My friend Joe had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and discovered that a new gal had been hired, a Miss Jane Clearly. She was absolutely gorgeous and he became quite besotted with her. After a…