Grif.Net

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death in 2013.” Visibly shaken, Laura stared…

ý10 Ways You Know Your Internet Connection Is A Little Slow 1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code 2. Graphics arrive via FedEx 3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection 4. You post a message on FaceBook and it displays about a week later 5.…

Try our Sundays – they’re better than Ben and Jerry’s. Come in and Pray. Beat the Christmas Rush. Heaven: The Best Gated Community. Where will You spend Eternity – Smoking or Non-Smoking? Sign Broken. Message inside. And the best? Non-exposure to the Son may cause burning. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin…

I was standing at the washing machine, waiting for it to fill with water so I could add some bleach, when this statement on the bottle caught my eye: “It is a violation of Federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling.” “Inconsistent,” that’s an…

“The Pledge of Allegiance” – by Senator John McCain As you may know, I spent five and one half years as a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. In the early years of our imprisonment, the NVA kept us in solitary confinement or two or three to a cell.…

As the deadline approached for the Super Bowl, Veteran kicker Harold Lang was a contract hold-out. Fortunately they finally got Old Lang Signed. Got a message on the phone this morning: “Your dentist was called away, so his hygienist is filling in today.” [J.A. reminds us that a ‘Word’ is…

Here is a variation that George Lucas (allegedly, but I kinda doubt it) created to determine your Star Wars name. To determine your first name take the first 3 letters of your last name. Then add the first 2 letters of your first name. To construct your last name, take…

When her dog and a pet goat died, my five-year-old niece Whitney was told that the animals were now in Heaven. All was well until she went on a walk with her mother. Mom started a little teaching, “God made all the flowers, the trees, the bugs, and everything!” “Well,…

[A friend passed this story on to us.] Kyle, my four-year-old son was unsuccessfully trying to open a bottle of Children’s Vitamins. After watching his vain attempts I explained, “It’s made so only Mommies and Daddies can open it.” I easily opened it for him. Kyle stared in amazement and…

Sometimes announcements in a church service or printed in the bulletin don’t come out exactly as desired: “The Sunday evening marital workshop ‘Make Time for your Marriage’, has been canceled due to a scheduling conflict.” “The Tuesday Weight Watcher meeting has been moved to the fellowship hall. Please use the…

Last Sunday we sang this in our church. Very strong imperatives about serving Christ while serving “the least of these”. “Let Your Heart Be Broken” Lyrics by Bryan Jeffery Leech (sung to tune of “Like a River Glorious” w/o chorus) Let your heart be broken for a world in need:…

A seminary buddy of mine said his church offerings have been skyrocketing of late, so I asked how come so much more money was coming in. He replied, “After the singing in our service, I announce that I have a 10-minute sermon worth $1000, a 20-minute sermon for $500, and…

Each of the following well known proverbs has a key word MISSING. Actually, with the fertile mind of Mary Y, there is a word SUBSTITUTED for the missing word. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, will be to find the erroneous word and replace it with the correct…