Grif.Net

This list is circulating among Forest Service employees. These are actual comments left last year on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips: “A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed?…

[DJ in British Columbia send in these actual excerpts from students Science Exam answers (names of students and teachers are held in strict confidence). Can’t make this stuff up!] Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove…

Everyone knows about Afro-American Speak — Ebonics (“Ebony” + “Phonics”). But have you heard about . . Irish-American Speak — Leprechaunics Native-American Speak — Kimosabics Italian-American Speak — Rigatonics Chinese-American Speak — Won-tonics Japanese-American Speak — Mama-san-ics Polish-American Speak — Kielbasanics Jewish-American Speak — Zionics Russian-American Speak — Rasputonics Spanish-American…

Many college students cannot afford a personal computer so the generous faculty of our school have cleverly substituted an “Etch-A-Sketch” model computer to them. Here are some early responses from Post-term . . Q My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. A Pick it up and shake it. Q My Etch-A-Sketch…

1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar’s sister, but the beggar is not the woman’s…

When I stand at the judgment seat of Christ And He shows me His plan for me, The plan of my life as it might have been Had He had His way with me. And I see how I blocked Him here and I checked Him there, And I would…

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk; He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying. He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break; He restoreth my faith in study guides. He leads me to better study habits for my grade’s sake. Yea,…

His name was Ole, he was from “Visconson”, and he wanted a loan. So, he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was taking Lena to Paris for their second honeymoon and needed to borrow $5,000…

My daughter told me that Saudi Arabia was free of mental illness because there are nomad people there. Speaking of the Middle East, a friend went over there to explore for Shell Oil about possible drilling sites. His wife missed him, so sent him a ‘Get Well Soon’ card. Not…

[Got back from flying to Washington DC, Orlando and points east. Heading out in a week to Michigan and the Midwest. Here are some announcements you DON’T want to hear on an airplane] Flying across Lake Michigan, “This is your Captain speaking, this seems an appropriate time to remind you…

[As the weather gets better, here are a couple more cute stories about golf and marriage] The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side. She asked, “What are your golf clubs doing…

Then Noah decided to check and see if there was dry land. He must have had a laptop computer that seemed to take forever to boot up and finally, “After forty days, Noah opened the window he had made”(Genesis 8:6). He was very frustrated that it took him forty days…

Sign at the State Fair: “CHOCOLATE COVERED BACON, $3.00” Sign at the Garden Center: “FREE POT (WHEN YOU BUY ANY PLANT)” Sign at the Mall: “24 HOUR ATM (OPEN 9 AM – 9 PM, M-F)” Sign at Dry Cleaners: “COME IN AND DROP YOUR PANTS” Sign in the Produce Aisle:…