Grif.Net

[Quiz: I give the PROFESSION and you guess the child’s NAME] EXAMPLE: Lawyer’s daughter = SUE Thief’s son Lawyer’s son Doctor ‘s son Meteorologist’s daughter Steam shovel operator’s son Hair stylist’s son Homeopathic doctor’s son Justice of the peace’s daughter Sound stage technician’s son Hot-dog vendor’s son Gambler’s daughter Exercise…

My in-laws are residents at an assisted living complex, so we get to visit there weekly. One day a 90-something lady came into the recreation room holding her clenched fist in the air and announced, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand gets a free kiss from me!” It…

[One of more of these pithy statements may be just what the doctor ordered for you today!] “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” ~Margaret Thatcher “If you can’t solve a problem, it’s because you’re playing by the rules.” ~Paul Arden “Only God can…

A police officer came to my house last night and asked where I was between 5 and 6. He seem irritated when I answered, “Kindergarten”. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

Two rounds of golf in one day? If I wanted to play 36 holes, I’d get a harmonica. I forgot to file taxes, but “not a problem”, says my tax consultant, Lou Pole. Movie Reviews have subtitled the new film Noah as “The Original Rain Man”. I have mood poisoning.…

Eaten lately in a school cafeteria with the “new rules” about food? Hearing screams almost daily from unhappy kids. So I headed over to check it out myself. Here are some surprising observations: **You eat something that’s actually pretty good, then realize it’s the Styrofoam plate. **You cut your hand…

[Submitted by a friend who wishes to be anonymous. For good reason.] I was at my kid’s spring soccer game and struck up a conversation with another parent on the sidelines. “Say. Will you look at that young kid with the short hair and blue shorts out at midfield. I’m…

After six weeks of being “older”, my bride catches up to me today. Another year older. But celebrating it in style! So, what else “good” happens when you get past 65? I’m trying to tell her that . . . 1. Kidnappers are no longer interested in you. 2. People…

[A friend forwarded this troubling question to us] Ten days after filing (at the deadline) my tax return for 2013, I received an audit notice from the IRS. It puzzles me! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question:…

It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered that my Universal Remote Control did NOT, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

The Seven Dwarfs are in a cave when the roof collapses. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells into the darkness, “Somebody, say something!” A distant voice responds, “The Cubs will win the World Series!” Snow White sighs, “Oh, thank goodness! At least Dopey is still alive!” [Feel free…

Yesterday I decided to work in my garden. As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the table that I collected from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through…

[Zits cartoon in the newspaper about a high school boy stimulated this. Some from today, some from my generation, and some my memories of that age.] What are the most dreaded words in the English language to a high school boy? *License and registration, please . . *Turn your head…