Grif.Net

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey. When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old…

A tough old Wyoming cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this, and lived to be 93! When he died he left fourteen children, twenty-eight grandchildren, thirteen great…

A guy was walking along a Florida beach when he came across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picked up the lamp and gave it a rub. A genie appeared and informed him he had been granted one wish. The guy thought about it carefully before asking, “I…

The computer age may have gone too far. When my friend said, “Amen” after praying for supper one night, one of his children asked “Daddy, what does ‘Amen’ mean?” Before he or his wife could answer, their five-year-old responded, “Silly. It means SEND.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus…

Feeling footloose and frisky, a featherbrained fellow forced his father to fork over his farthings. Fast he flew to foreign fields and frittered his family’s fortune, feasting fabulously with floozies and faithless friends. Flooded with flattery he financed a full-fledged fling of “funny foam” and fast food. Fleeced by his…

[Monthly offering of truly bad word plays] I saw a female deer in my rear-vision mirror. It was case of hind-sight. The family of bears posing for their family portrait experienced a true Kodiak moment. A crow is a four-letter bird. I think octopi are creepy, and make no bones…

[Concluding this week is some special advice, adapted from my wife and many other mothers who find this a bittersweet time.] In your child’s backpack or lunchbox, include a special “back-to-school kit” envelope containing these items: RUBBER BAND – to remind you of hugging and those times when you want…

‘Twas the night before school starts, and all through the town, Not a teacher was sleeping, just thrashing around. Thoughts of the classroom brought a tear to each eye, And all of them wished it could still be July. The students, meanwhile, were doing just fine, Texting and talking and…

[A little poem by Shel Silverstein seems appropriate as the week winds down] “I cannot go to school today” Said little Peggy Ann Mckay. “I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry. I’m going blind in…

[Students’ responses to their first days back in class] Luke came home from his first day of kindergarten and his mother asked, “What did you learn today?” “Not enough,” Luke replied sadly. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.” ~~ At recess Chad confided, “I wish I were a…

When my son was ready to start the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Only then did I realize how convenient it would be to get him to the breakfast table and off to school. When his room was upstairs, I used to stand…

‘Twas the night before school started When all through the town The parents were cheering. It was a riotous sound. By eight the kids were washed And tucked into bed, When memories of homework Filled them with dread. New pencils, new folders, New notebooks, too, New teachers, new friends- Their…

[Begging forgiveness to my church members past and present who have heard these from their pastor’s lips on more than one occasion.] “Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald’s makes you a hamburger.” “To the world you might be one person, but to…