Grif.Net

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m 4 and half.” You’re never 36 and a…

When planning for oral surgery, I asked the doctor “What is the charge per tooth for these extractions” He answered, “$260 each.” Doing the math, I sighed. “And how long will it take?” “About 15 minutes.” Now I was unhappy. “Wow. That’s about a $100 a minute! I wish I…

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing…

After my oral surgery and getting a new partial plate, my wife and I were sitting on the porch swing and talking. Teresa said, “Remember back when we were newlyweds? You used to sit closer to me.” So I scooted over next to her. Then she said, “You used to…

[Adam forwarded this story] A man took his son fishing one day. After a few hours in the boat with not much to do, the son started asking his father some questions. “How does the boat float?” he asked. The man thought about the question for a moment, then said,…

My wife and I went into the oral surgeon and she said, “I need five teeth pulled. No gas or Novocain or anesthetic — I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the teeth as quickly as possible.” “You’re a brave woman,” said the surgeon. “Now, show me which teeth you…

Billy Graham is now 95 years-old and last January, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their ‘favorite son’ for a luncheon in his honor. Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, ‘We don’t expect a major address. Just come…

Been posting about aging, so Marilyn forward this poem for Grif.Net readers. I hope it has the same effect on you as it did on me, for then her forwarding it will be worth the effort. Walk with me by the water and savor each phrase. A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT…

[Final batch on “aging”. Promise. Maybe.] The candles cost more than the cake. The gray-haired man you help across the street is your husband. In the morning you hear snap, crackle, pop, and it isn’t your breakfast cereal. You are a “17” around the neck, a “48” around the waist…

[I promised more ways to tell if the years are catching up. Didn’t I?] You know how to spell gastroenterologist. You don’t have any enemies because you’ve outlived them all. You wake up in the middle of the night tired and listless. You know “where it’s at”, but forgot why…

[As a public service we share these signs with our readers. More will come. Mark it down.] You start complaining that “They’re building car seats too low!” Your ears perk up when a laxative commercial comes on TV. You call the place you keep leftovers the “icebox.” You wonder why…

[I just don’t have the courage to post all my status updates on Facebook. But let’s say these are from my friends. Right. Friends.] “I could be a morning person if morning started at noon.” “I’m not arguing with you. I’m just explaining why I am right.” “When I was…

The Paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower view points; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more…