Grif.Net

When she got home from school, a seven-year-old girl told her mother that Jeremy had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” asked the mother, shocked. “It wasn’t easy. Three other girls had to hold him down for me!” ~~ A little boy was performing in the school play…

NOTICE: Special Night Classes for men at our College will be starting soon. Due to the high level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of ten applicants. These topics will be covered this semester: Topic 1: “Toilet Paper: Does It Grow on the Holders?” Round table discussion as…

Wife: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. Husband: Which is this? ~~ Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Take it or Leave it. ~~ Husband to a friend: My new bride has to be the worst cook. At our…

[Can’t blame my pain meds for this stuff. No medical marijuana around the house. Nothing culpable except a tired mind.] I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something. If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humor. I intend to live forever. So far,…

[The Weekend Grif.Net is always a serious look at issues.] Elections are coming up in a week and some of you may not know that I am “Pro-Choice”. Of course, NOT as it is improperly defined in our post-Christian America. I believe that everyone has a free CHOICE to make…

A very religious woman was deeply shocked when her new neighbors asked her son if he could borrow the family’s lawn-mower on Sunday morning. “The very idea,” she exclaimed, “of cutting grass on the Lord’s day! How shameful!” “God would not be pleased with such conduct, and we will not…

Thanks to the miracle of fertility treatment, a woman was able to have a baby at age 70. When she was discharged from hospital, her relatives came to visit. “Can we see the baby?” they asked. “Not yet,” said the 70-year-old mother. Fifteen minutes later, they asked again. “Can we…

[Marilyn forwarded these that indicate that perhaps the person didn’t understand the question correctly.] “Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce Court Judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and…

Quiz time for Fall. Fall, not Fail. But you will. Answers tomorrow. 1. How many varieties of apples are in the world today? 2. In what country did the apple tree originate? 3. By what nickname do we know Massachusetts’ pioneer John Chapman? 4. In what country did Granny Smith…

[Things people may not know about the REAL me. Jotted down a few this past week as I enjoyed the pain meds from surgery . . ] I have a clear conscience. Or maybe a really bad memory. I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices. He said I don’t…

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m 4 and half.” You’re never 36 and a…

When planning for oral surgery, I asked the doctor “What is the charge per tooth for these extractions” He answered, “$260 each.” Doing the math, I sighed. “And how long will it take?” “About 15 minutes.” Now I was unhappy. “Wow. That’s about a $100 a minute! I wish I…

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing…