Grif.Net

I was starry-eyed and starting college fifty years ago. Sadly, finding out now what a big difference half a century makes. 1965: Long Hair 2015: Longing for hair 1965: The perfect high 2015: The perfect high yield mutual fund 1965: Keg 2015: EKG 1965: Acid Rock 2015: Acid Reflux 1965:…

This Sunday is “Flag Day”, honoring and displaying the American Flag. On June 14, 1777, the Continental Congress passed an act establishing an official flag for the new nation. The resolution stated: “Resolved, that the flag of the United States be thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union…

After the birth of their baby, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a long deep kiss. Her roommate averted her eyes in embarrassment. Then as he left, he gave her another tender embrace and kiss. Later,…

Dear Tide, I’m writing to you to say what an excellent product you have. I’ve used it since my college days, when my mom told me it was the best. In fact, about a month ago, while at my girlfriend’s house, I spilled some red wine on my new white…

[Thanks to Jack for this funny only a grandpa could smile at] When clearing out the attic, I came across some well-worn and dusty encyclopedias back from the 1950’s when I was kid. I carried them down to the shed and put them on a shelf for my grandchildren to…

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. Change is inevitable, except from…

How do you know when you’re Middle-Aged? 1. You don’t understand what young peasants are talking about. 2. You struggle to read Chaucer in weak candlelight. 3. You hate rowdy taverns. 4. You constantly worry that you might have Black Death. 5. You don’t know or care who Blondel is…

Academy Award-winning actor Denzel Washington’s very first piece of advice Saturday for graduates of Dillard University consisted of just three words. “Number one,” he said slowly and resolutely. “Put. God. First!” “Put God first in everything you do. Everything you have is by the grace of God. Understand that. It’s…

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If 86% of Americans spit out watermelon seeds, does that mean 14% actually swallow them? Why is lemon juice made from artificial lemon flavoring, while furniture polish uses real lemons? Are the new food groups “canned”, “frozen” and…

[I enjoy simple quizzes. Some are not as easy as they look. Answers tomorrow for those still struggling!!] 1. What letter is next in this sequence? M, A, M, J, J, A, S, O,__ 2. How can you arrange the letters in NEW DOOR to make one word? 3. What…

Marilyn shared her diet report: “Don’t mean to brag, but I finished a two-week diet in 3 hours and 5 minutes!” Another friend suggested the “see-food diet”. Only eat when you see food. My response? “I was also on a two-week diet. I lost a whopping 14 days.” ~~ Dr…

A woman was lamenting to my wife that she had gained weight. She’d made her family’s favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they’d eaten half of it at dinner. Since she was dieting, she ate only a tiny slice. The next day, she said, she kept staring at…

[On the first weekday of the month I send out lame puns on my blog. My doctor is checking into possible causes of this odd ailment of mine.] My friend who is a monorail enthusiast was told by his doctor he had a one-track mind. Another shared his dream –…