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[More driving tips from my weeks observing California drivers] **If you miss your exit, no worries. Just cut across six lanes of traffic and drive over the divider. If you really weren’t supposed to cross it, they would make it out of concrete instead of little yellow markers. **For parking…

[Two weeks in both rural and urban areas of the Land of Fruits and Nuts (California) have given me new insights into rules for driving. All of them observed by drivers around me.] **When using a metered entrance ramp on I-5, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to…

I do not choose to be a common man. It is my right to be uncommon, if I can. ~ I seek opportunity, not security. ~ I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled, dulled, by having the state look after me. ~ I want to take the…

[Catching a couple flights, so time to work on “Murphy’s Laws for Airplane Passengers”. Would appreciate any help for grif.net readers] 1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. 2. If you are running late for a flight,…

Heard about the driver of the shuttle bus at Angel’s Stadium. Got up to the gate area and the door opened to unload. He then gave this two-phased advice: “When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.” Then he added, “If you…

[Yes, time again for our monthly truly memorable puns and word plays] I couldn’t afford to buy cotton so I decided to be abrasive and steel wool. I burned my tongue eating gourmet food, but it was labeled haute cuisine. Our local bailiff moonlights as a bartender. Heard he serves…

I was nervous enough driving on the Pacific Coast Highway with breath-taking scenery and heart-stopping curves. I came up to a slow-moving van and on the back was a bumper sticker. “Caution: Blind Man Driving” I thought it a joke, of course, but was a little hesitant to try to…

Out in California we were taking the kids to see a deep cave. I told them there was nothing to worry about, but the youngest was still afraid and asked the tour guide “Are there any bats in this cave?” The ranger smiled reassuringly. “There were, son. But don’t worry,…

Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash 1. I was forced to wash as a child. 2. People who wash are hypocrites — They think they’re cleaner than others. 3. There are so many kinds of soap, I could never decide which was right. 4. I used to wash, but it…

A man had been driving all night up the winding Pacific Coast Highway and by daylight was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at Monterey, and park somewhere quiet along a golf course so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have…

[Pebble Beach is beautiful, reminding us of MORE fun quotations about that four-letter word “golf”] Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. — Lee Trevino The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. — Billy Graham If…

[Collection of famous golf sayings, submitted by the father of a professional golfer] Man blames fate for all other accidents but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. — Bishop Fulton Sheen Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. How childlike do golf players become? This…

I order a bran muffin every day at the bakery since I am one of their regular customers. An opinion without 3.1415 is just an onion. I use a rifle rather than a bow-and-arrow when deer hunting because I want more bang for my buck. Skinny people are easy to…