Grif.Net

[Final batch of real Newspaper Headlines; thanks to all my friends for submissions] Corduroy Pillowcases Making Headlines Mayor to Homeless: “Go Home” Teen Pregnancy Rate Drops after Age 25 Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police Breathing Oxygen Linked to Staying Alive Kansas Growers Planting Wheat, Harvesting Corn Meeting on Open…

A Pastor went to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he talked for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talked for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talked for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had…

[Still a few clamoring for or about lousy puns. August spoiled them with overabundance. Sad.] My 2014 New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating so long. What’s ET short for? Probably because he’s only got little legs. People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow. I cut my finger…

TIME FOR ANOTHER QUIZ, this time about your hair and nails. And even if you are bald, you are not exempt from this one. 1. TRUE/FALSE Facial hair grows faster than any other hair on the body. 2. Every day the average person loses about ___ to ___ strands of…

A young boy called the pastor of a local church and asked him to come by to pray for his mother, who was very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they were members of another church down the road. So the pastor asked, “Shouldn’t…

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. “You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no…

[For July/August/September – as long as we get more sent in (thanks Ken, for many of these) – each Friday Grif.Net will focus on real Newspaper Headlines] Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement Most Earthquake Damage Caused by Shaking Croc Has Beef with Cow Breathing Oxygen Linked…

Labor Day has passed and children are “back to school” already. A teacher asked her 2nd grade students to share a story about their summer. This one was entitled “MY RETARDED GRANDPARENTS” and caught my eye. And NO, it was NOT written by any of MY precious grandchildren. “We always…

[Paul in Missouri, an avid Grif.Net aficionado, is going through withdrawal without our puns we shared every day in August. So will post a couple of word plays each week or so to make him calm down, and the orderlies at the home not have such difficulty putting him to…

[Chuck from Texas shared this story] After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive at the meeting after church was a stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board,”…

It was 90F+ on Labor Day and a woman was outside working in her garden. Her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for Labor Day dinner. Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house watching baseball while she labored away on the…

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. “Dad, I’m thinking of something.” This announcement usually meant she had been…

[For July/August/September – as long as we get more sent in – each Friday Grif.Net will focus on real Newspaper Headlines garnered over the past years] Man Steals Clock, Faces Time Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Hospitals…