Grif.Net

[Loved Erma = Bombeck, and still miss her wit and wisdom]   If I had my life to = live over . . .   **I would have = talked less and listened more.   **I would have = invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained,…

Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, = if ever, smell one another? Where are  their priorities? =   ~~ Dear God, = When we get to Heaven, can we sit = on your couch? Or is it the same old story?   ~~ Dear God,…

[These are asked every few years and I am still = without an adequate answer.  But they do bring a smile.  = So many of these type of lists people post are old and stale.  = This one is just old.]   1. If = you throw a cat out…

When my grandson and I entered an old vacation = cabin at the lake, we kept the lights off until we were inside and shut = the screen door tightly to keep from attracting pesky insects. =   No use. In spite of our efforts, a few fireflies = followed…

A second grader came home from school and said to = her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies = today."   The = mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. = "That’s interesting," she said. "How do you make = babies?"  …

Two elderly ladies met at the laundromat after not = seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s = health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.   "Oh! = Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up some carrots for…

A group of university = alumni, well established in their careers, were talking at their reunion = and decided to go visit their old university professor, now = retired.  During their visit the conversation soon turned into = complaints about stress in their work and lives.   Offering his guests…

911 Operator: = "What is your emergency?" Guy: = "My mother-in-law just got bitten by a = snake." Operator: = "Ok, you need to suck the poison out." Guy = [whispering]: "Dude, there’ll be nothing left of = her."   [Thanks, = Pastor M, for the smile today. And we…

Tom walked into = his boss’ office and told him, "Sir, I know things aren’t going the = best around here but I have three companies that have contacted me = recently. I would like a raise." His boss agreed = and after debating the amount for a while they…

[First of the month dose of puns just for = ewe.]   Evidently our Ambassadors never get sick because they = have diplomatic immunity.   Pencils = could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the = point?   The Hand family consists of 10 electricians.…

[ML forwarded = this sage advice to male readers]   Five rules = governing male behavior toward the allegedly weaker = sex:   1. Never make = a woman mad. They can remember stuff that hasn’t even happened = yet.   2. Behind = every angry woman stands a man…

A = man called a financial planning agent, seeking some advice and = direction.   &qu= ot;Hello.  My name is Ben.  I’d like to invest some = money."   &qu= ot;Well, hello Ben. This is Mike.  I would be happy to meet you to = discuss sound financial planning.  You…

One day, I decided = to quit. I wanted to quit my job, to quit my relationships, to quit my = marriage, to quit my spirituality; I even wanted to quit my life. I went = to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God," I said, =…