Grif.Net

I took an IQ = test, but thankfully the results were negative.   Can someone = help me know at what age I should tell my pets = they’re adopted?   Don’t spell = ‘part’ backwards. It’s a trap.   My wallet is = like an onion; when I open…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_00EA_01D2A92E.7D69EF50 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=”—-=_NextPart_001_00EB_01D2A92E.7D69EF50″ ——=_NextPart_001_00EB_01D2A92E.7D69EF50 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit [credit Dear Abby for this one] When God passed out brains, I thought he said trains, And asked for the slow one. When God passed out looks, I thought he said books…

Here are top ten = “kind ways” to refer to that colleague at work who is just a = little slow on the uptake: 1. He is a few peas short of a tuna = casserole   2. She is one Froot = Loop shy of a full bowl  …

[This is a rerun of a grif.net = from ten years ago. And still reasonably = humorous.] April 1st is National = Atheist’s Day All generalizations are = false Thou shalt not steal. The IRS = hates competition Everyone should believe the BIG = BANG theory. God spoke and BANG,…

Read this = slowly.   This dog, is dog, a dog, good = dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, a dog, senior dog, citizen dog, busy = dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog!   Excellent. Now, go back and = read it without the word ‘dog’.   ~~…

[Last weekend we = shared a baker’s dozen simple sentences gleaned from the Almanac. = Today we visit the old farmer again for sage thoughts on = living]   Most of the stuff = people worry about ain’t never gonna happen = anyway.   Don ‘t judge folks by =…

[Final installment of stories about the little = ones]   A mother and her young son returned from the = grocery store and began putting away the groceries.  His mother = said he could have a treat for being so helpful.   The = boy opened the box of animal…

At bedtime, a four-year-old girl was learning to = say the Lord’s Prayer.  Her mom and dad would pray with her each = night and then she would try to remember some phrases.   One = night she was excited to try to recite it all by herself without help…

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten = teacher shared some classroom rules with her student.   "If anyone has to go to the bathroom,” = she started, “hold up one or two fingers."   A = little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that…

Another three year old put his shoes on by himself, = but struggling to get them to fit. His mother noticed he was trying to = put the left shoe on his right foot.   She = said, "Son, do you see the problem? Your shoes are on the wrong…

[This week we’re sharing some = old-but-kinda-cute stories about children.  Yes, you’ve = probably heard some before. But still causing me to smile and hope you = will too]   A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a = litter of kittens at the neighbors . On returning…

[Wisdom takes time to = learn and develop. Age can bring wisdom, especially from a life lived = well. Maybe we can learn some wisdom from a sage like this . . . a wise = old farmer.]   Your fences need to = be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.  …

An Irishman walks into a pub in Dublin, ordered = three pints of Guinness and sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip = out of each one in turn.   The = bartender approached  him, reminding that “You know, a pints = goes flat after I draw…