Grif.Net

Tech: "Hello, this is tech = support. What can I help you with today?"   Bob: “I’m having a = problem with my computer not responding = quickly.”   Tech: “Well, (rattles off = 90-seconds of computer jargon in a foreign accent). Got = it?”   Bob: "Sorry, I don’t…

**My dad said = no one is perfect and that we should learn to embrace our = mistakes.  Then he gave me a big hug.   **Dad advises his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you’re = unique, like everyone else." **A boy asked his dad, “Am I adopted?”  His dad =…

I thought growing old would take = longer   When is ‘old enough’ supposed to kick = in?   Don’t grow up. It’s a = trap   Being cremated is my last hope for a smokin’ hot = body   I so good I can forget what I’m doing while…

Do you ever = get the feeling that the only reason we actually vote is to find out if = the pollsters were correct?   If God had = intended for me to vote He would have given me = candidates.   A fool and his = money are soon…

Beethoven, walking on stage: “So what up, guys? Are you ready = for some serious symphonies?” Excited crowd: = “YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!” Beethoven: “I can’t hear = you!” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = [email protected] = www.grif.net "Jesus = Knows Me, This I Love!"

[Reprint of an = Editorial from nearly 20 years ago (this is NOT a modern = “election” red/blue item). Sorry that in my files I did not = keep the original source. Original was probably “Ted Nugent” = but this is changed from anything I find he wrote. I, too,…

In a small = town in Wyoming there is a rather sizable company that hires only = married men.  Concerned about this, a local feminist called on the = manager and asked, "Why is it you limit your employees to married = men?  Is it because you think women are…

I think the = best time on a clock is 6:30, hands down.   My dad failed = as a magician, but at least I have two half-sisters.  =   I must be part = magician, too.  I was driving by the house and my car turned into a =…

Q: While = chickens cross the road, why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross it? = A: It had no = guts.   Q: What do you = use to mend a jack-o-lantern? A: A pumpkin = patch.   Q: What do you = get if you divide the circumference…

The = 2nd grade teacher was reviewing arithmetic when she saw a boy = not paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Daniel, = what is 4, 12, 28 and 44?"   Without = hesitation he replied, "PBS, NBC, HBO, and the Cartoon = Network!"   ~~…

Q. What day do eggs fear the most? A. Friday.   Q. Why were the Stars Wars films released in the sequence of = 4,5,6,1,2,3?A. Because directed they were by = Yoda.   Q. Why did = Grandma read the obituaries every morning? A. To find out = which guys…

There was an = old country doctor who would take his dog along with him when visiting = patients. The dog would remain outside while the doctor went in for the = house call.   On one = occasion, the physician went to the home of a man with a…

Sam = Weller in Charles = Dickens’ "Pickwick Papers" (1836-7) was prone to = producing punning sentences such as: ‘Out with it, as the father said to = the child when he swallowed a penny’. This type of verbal play, = involving a metaphorical and a punningly literal sense, soon…