Grif.Net

[Bringing a = new generation up-to-speed on jokes their grandparent’s rolled = their eyes at]   Q: How do you = make an elephant float?A: Well, start with a dead elephant, 10 tons = of ice-cream, and lots of root beer   Q: Why do = ducks have flat feet?…

[Ten jokes/riddles about money for the grade-school = crowd]   Q: Why did the girl hide her money in the freezer? = A: She wanted cold hard cash!   Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is "change" in the weather. =   Q: Why can’t you borrow…

Trim the fat off that steak. The tires on that truck are too = big.   I’ll have the Arugula and Radicchio salad.   Cappuccino tastes better than Espresso.   Unsweetened tea tastes better.   Would you like your fish poached or broiled?   My fianc=E9e, Bobbie Jo, is registered…

A young&nb= sp;woman went to her mother and told h= er about her life and how = things were so hard for her. She did&n= bsp;not know how she was going to make= = it and wanted to give up. She was&nbsp= ;tired of fighting and struggling. It = seemed as one problem was solved, a ne= w one arose.  Her mother took = her to the kitchen. She filled three p= ots with water and = placed each on a high flame. Soon the&= nbsp;pots came to boil. In the first s= he = placed carrots, in the second she placed&nb= sp;eggs, and in the last she = placed ground coffee beans. She let them&nb= sp;sit and boil, without saying a = word.  In about twenty minutes she&= nbsp;turned off the burners. She fished the= = carrots out and placed them in a bowl.=  She pulled the eggs out and = placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled=  the coffee out and placed it in = a bowl. = Turning to her daughter, she asked, "T= ell me what you see.” "Carrots, = eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her=  mother brought her closer and asked h= er to feel the carrots. She did = and noted that they were soft. The mot= her then asked the daughter to = take an egg and break it. After pullin= g off the shell, she observed the =…

Attending a = wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, = "Why is the bride dressed in white?"   "Because = white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her = life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it =…

[Found out = there was a whole generation of grandkids who didn’t know what an = “elephant joke” was.  Sad.  So we will have a = couple grif.net blogs devoted to some of the worst of the = worst.] Q: Why did the = Elephant stand on the marshmallow? A:…

The oldest = computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve in the Garden of = Eden.   Yes, it was an = Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte, then = everything crashed.   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = [email protected] = www.grif.net "Jesus = Knows Me,…

When we were = little, Mother gave my little brother a nickel and sent him to the post = office to get a stamp and mail a letter.   A few minutes = later he came back with a suspicious smile on his = face.   "What = happened?" my…

[I was asked = how the daily Grif Net blog began.  I was a professor in a small = college in 1996 that had just installed a computer lab and each student = had e-mail but seldom received any.  So I vowed to “fill up = their in-box” with a…

Probably the = greatest example of persistence is Abraham Lincoln. Born into poverty, = Lincoln was faced with defeat throughout his life. He lost eight = elections, twice failed in business and suffered a nervous breakdown. He = could have quit many times – but he didn’t and because he…

While walking = along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the = intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently his = five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead = robin.   Feeling that = proper burial should be performed, they…

[FREE ADVICE = ON VALENTINE’S DAY from Dr. Bob.  You’re = welcome.]   *There are two = ways to handle a woman. Nobody knows either of = them.   *Never argue = with your wife when she’s tired . . . or when she’s = rested.   *All marriages =…

While taking a = routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a = little girl about six years old.  Looking up and down at my = uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"   "Yes,&quot= ; I answered and continued writing the report.   "My =…