Grif.Net

[Which do you = like most – a play on stage or a play on words?=A0 First weekday = of the month is your ticket to high-brow word play and puns.=A0 Hope you = discover where you can find some.]   Overheard the = lawn guy talking to his girlfriend:…

Hundreds of = thousands dead from a global pandemic. Joblessness not seen since the = Great Depression. Companies going bankrupt, international disputes over = trade, borders and culpability for the pandemic. Reports of hundreds of = millions of people going hungry. Will I lose my job? Will my elderly =…

[In case = yesterday’s list of twisted insults was insufficient for the level = of your friends or co-workers, here are some more insults to make them = think]   I would like = to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your = intelligence.…

[In my 72+ = years I have learned how to respond to others who, unlike me, still have = much to learn. Feel free to use these slightly twisted lines to insult = or stymie annoying friends, co-workers, or spouses (at your own = peril)]   You’re = not yourself…

Q: How do you = invite friends to a Wyoming wedding held on a = ranch? A: By Western = Union.   Q: Did you = hear about the new restaurant on the moon? A: Food was = good, but it lacked atmosphere.   Q: How is cat = food…

Q: Who are the = hamburgers’ favorite people? A: = Vegetarians.   Q: Why do = criminals always try to rob bakeries first? A: They think = it the easiest way to get their hands on fast = dough.   Q: Did you = hear the report by the mother…

[I’m a = Dad/Grandpa.  Sorry, it’s just the way I = am.]   Q: If = alligator skins make a good pair of boots, what do banana peels = make? A: Good = slippers.   Q: If mom = sews, dad weaves and sister crochets, what do you = have?…

Weighing Goods = and Making Prudential DecisionsKevin T. = Bauder To get to work = I have to drive south about five miles and then west about four miles. I = can take a variety of routes to cover that distance. I can drive south = through city traffic on…

One Sunday, when our little girl was about four, it was = her turn to give thanks for dinner.   She began to pray, "Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy = and Daddy, Grandpa and Grandma, my brothers and all my = friends.”  Then she looked at the table and…

Yesterday I told my students, "Class, this morning we = will have only half day of school!" "Yaaaay!" they all = shouted. Then I added, "This = afternoon we will enjoy the other = half."   ~~ Dr Bob Griffin = [email protected] = www.grif.net "Jesus = Knows Me, This I…

Tim M = reported: “A Colorado rancher has been charged with feeding = marijuana to his cattle. It’s an unprecedented case, and the = steaks are high.”   Clayton H = admits, “I love racing cars, but I never win.  The cars are = always faster than I can run.”…

The other night I dreamed that my Candy Crush account got = deleted. I woke up and was so relieved to remember I never played = Candy Crush.   The other night I dreamed that I was a muffler on an old = Chevy. I woke up = exhausted.  …

Vincent M = asked, “Does anyone know how long toilet paper will last if you = freeze it?”   Tim M warned, “The Flat Earth Society is worried = that social distancing will push people over the = edge.”   Scott C admitted, “If I had known in March that…