Daily Humor

[First of the month always brings worst of the month in my humo= r. Here is what’s happening at my house.] I couldn’t fig= ure out how to run the new washing machine, so finally I just threw in the = towel.   Every morning, I get hit by the…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_0262_01DAE31E.92C15A00 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit A cruise ship passed by a remote island, and all the passengers saw a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asked, “who is that man over there?” “I have no…

Here are some classic quotations from William Shakespeare&#8217= ;s treasure-trove of plays.  We’ve probably heard or read them a= ll.  We’ve probably long ago forgotten in WHICH play each was ut= tered (if we ever knew to begin with).  This quiz will test both memor= y and mettle. Remember, this…

[Random thoughts on my bathroom scale]   Since I’ve developed a “belly”= , I have trouble seeing the dial on the scale. Wife bought me a talking sca= le. I got on and it said, “One at a time, please”.   She caught me sucking in my stomach as I…

The Jewish liturgical poet Daniel ben J= udah wrote a hymn that contained the “13 Articles of Faith of Maimoni= des (a great Jewish philosopher) that formed part of the morning prayer. It= was translated, then paraphrased in 13 stanzas by a Christian, Thomas Oliv= er. Oliver was converted to Christianity…

One day, a sewing machine repairman asked his surgeon "Do = you think the human body is a machine?"   The surgeon replied "Sure. It = has parts, and each part has a purpose to fulfill just like every gear in a= sewing machine has a purpose." The mechanic asked…

On a recent trip to the Coast, I saw a cafe with a sign that ad= vertised fat-free French fries. Being ve= ry health conscious, I thought, “This sounds great,” and ordere= d some.   I watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potat=…

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. = Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant three wishes, one wish to each fri= end. “I want to go home,” sa= ys the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,”…

CONTRONYMS are two (or more) words that have= the SAME SPELLING but have not just different meanings, but TOTALLY OPPOSI= TE or CONTRADICTORY MEANINGS. They are their own “opposites”, o= ne contradicting the other.These are also antonyms and rare, so see if thes= e contradicting definitions make you think of…

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a f= armer working in his field.   The man called out to the farmer, "How long wil= l it take me to get to the village?" The farmer didn’t answer. The guy waited a bit and then…

[Today, our oldest granddaughter gets marrie= d. Over the past 5 decades I have performed hundreds of weddings. Today, he= r G’ma and I are privileged to just sit and watch, smiling and rejoic= ing  That’s the way it should be. Her dad has the poignant joy o= f performing…

Are you in a true “country church”?  Read t= his checklist and see if your church matches the ideal country church. Must= match at least 15 of 25 to be in the running.   1. The doors are never locke= d. 2. The Call to Worship is, "Y’a= ll come…

People were talking about fears and phobias they had. Some of t= hose mentioned were well-known while others were totally unfamiliar:   COMMON PHOBI= AS =3D>ARACHNOPHOBIA (fear of spiders) >TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA (fear of Friday the 13th) >ACROPHOBIA (fear of heights) >CLAUSTROPHOBIA: (fear of = closed spaces) >AGORAPHOBIA: (= fear of no…