Daily Humor

[Final batch on “aging”. Promise. Maybe.] The candles cost more than the cake. The gray-haired man you help across the street is your husband. In the morning you hear snap, crackle, pop, and it isn’t your breakfast cereal. You are a “17” around the neck, a “48” around the waist…

[I promised more ways to tell if the years are catching up. Didn’t I?] You know how to spell gastroenterologist. You don’t have any enemies because you’ve outlived them all. You wake up in the middle of the night tired and listless. You know “where it’s at”, but forgot why…

[As a public service we share these signs with our readers. More will come. Mark it down.] You start complaining that “They’re building car seats too low!” Your ears perk up when a laxative commercial comes on TV. You call the place you keep leftovers the “icebox.” You wonder why…

[I just don’t have the courage to post all my status updates on Facebook. But let’s say these are from my friends. Right. Friends.] “I could be a morning person if morning started at noon.” “I’m not arguing with you. I’m just explaining why I am right.” “When I was…

The Paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower view points; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more…

[After yesterday’s grif.net top ten, I thought a REAL list might work.] 1. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. 2. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.…

Top 10 Reasons to Procrastinate: 1. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

[Each month we search for high-quality word-play to entertain. Of course, this month we still couldn’t find any, so submit these.] After years of study they have figured out how to remedy bland college cafeteria food. They doctorate. Children should be seen not heard. In other words, allowed but not…

[Final try at some motivational material for the real world and not the utopian workplace you’re in today] Keep Calm. We’ll get to the carrion part in a minute. Looking sharp is easy when you haven’t done any work. Money can’t buy you love. But it can buy exotic cars…

With four granddaughters, I’m always on the lookout for great presents for birthdays or Christmas. A week ago I went into a store to consider buying a Barbie doll play set. “How much is that Barbie in the window?” I asked the shop clerk with a smile. (She was too…

[Daniel S shared this story many years ago and I’ve not forgotten it] When I was in the fifth grade, my classmates and I were struggling through September with our school work. We were especially failing to understand geography, and we expected a major reprimand by month’s end. Instead, our…

[Grif.Net from a teacher in the fall of 1999 just begs to be sent again fifteen years later. Thanks for putting up with a repeat.] It was the beginning of a new school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a…

[PH forwarded some of his thoughts to us. Strange dude.] I could hear music coming out of my printer the other day. Evidently the paper was jammin’ again. I got in trouble at the local park for lining all the squirrels up in order of height. They didn’t like me…