Daily Humor

Q. What did Noah = say while he was loading all the animals into the ark?A. “Now = I’ve herd everything.” Q. Who was the = best financier in the Bible?A. Noah: He floated his stock while the = world was in liquidation Q. What animal in = the ark…

[We’ve all heard some = famous sayings/translations and THINK we know what they meant in = history.] “ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME” was, of course, = never true.    But "roma" is an = ancient Latin word meaning "somewhere". So all this old saying = means is that all roads…

Q. During the Flood, where did Noah keep the = bees?A. In ark hives   Q. Instead = of his nose, why did Grandpa cover his mouth when he sneezed?A. To = catch his teeth.   Q. Why was = the Egyptian child confused? A. Her = daddy was her…

You inhale about = 5 million times a year.  Most people also exhale 5 million = times.   Months that begin = on a Sunday always have a Friday the 13th in them.  (Think upcoming = May)   You are born with = 300 bones, but by the time you…

One Sunday = morning at a small southern church, the new pastor called on one of his = older deacons to lead in the opening prayer. The deacon stood up, bowed = his head and said, "Lord, I hate = buttermilk." The pastor opened = one eye and wondered where…

[It’s been a long week = and I feel older. So here’s what I’m = thinking.] What does a pirate say when = he turns eighty?“Aye, Matey.”   ~~ I was = reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got = pick-pocketed. My first reaction was wondering how anyone…

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class = about the difference between right and wrong.   "All right children, let’s take another = example," she said. "If I were to get into a man’s pocket and = take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" =…

From the Flat Earth Society: “Come join us! We = have meetings all over the globe”   From Weight = Watchers: “Meeting in Fellowship Hall. Use the wide double doors = at the end of the corridor”   From = Self-Esteem Workshop: “Tonight’s lecture in basement. Use = entrance from…

1. Pocahontas and William Shakespeare died less than a = year apart just over 100 miles apart.   2. The State = of Maine has more black bears than black people.   3. 8 of = every 10 baby boys born in the Soviet Union in 1923 did not survive…

[Albert Einstein, = Dennis the Menace and I share today’s birthday.  I’m = working on “status updates” for my birthday. Or maybe = not.  Here are a few possibilities.] Birthdays are = nature’s way of telling me to eat more cake and not worry about the = weight. As long…

Dust if you must . . . but wouldn’t it be = betterTo paint a picture, or write a letter? Bake a cake, or plant a seed? Ponder the difference between want and need. =   Dust if you must . . . but there is not much = time,With…

[Dads. Lame jokes.  Can’t live with them, = and can’t live with them.]   My wife told = me to quit impersonating a flamingo.  I had to put my foot = down.   I bought shoes from my drug dealer. Not sure what he = laced them with, but I’ve…

FINE= = This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and = you need to zip it. NOTH= ING= The calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be = worried. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in = fine. GO-A=…