Daily Humor

[For new Grif.Net subscribers, the Weekend Blog is = always a sharp contrast to the humor of the week.  It is a time to = give serious reflection on religious, moral or ethical = issues.]   I read a story about a gal whose dad passed away. = She went…

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a = day.   It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely = digest.   The electric chair was invented by a = dentist.   A sneeze travels out your mouth/nose at over 100 = m.p.h.   Women blink nearly twice as often…

[Marilyn forward this story of = self-control  and marksmanship by a cool-headed woman with a small =  pistol facing a fierce predator. What’s the smallest caliber = that you would trust to protect yourself? Here’s her story in her = own words]   "While out walking along the = edge…

[Another month begins with a = groan]   I’m terrified of elevators, so = I I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.   I was driving down the street = and I saw an ad for a cemetery plot and thought, "That’s the = last thing I need!"…

It’s = scary . . . when your stomach starts making the same noises as your = coffee maker.   It’s scary . . . when = even the wood in the forest is petrified.   It’s scary . . . when you = dress the whole family up in…

[Here = are the top ten reasons you know you are TOO OLD to Trick or = Treat] 10. You get winded from knocking on the = door. 9. You have to have another = person chew the candy for you. 8. You = ask for high fiber candy only.…

[From a USA Today, March 2003, article on = ‘Cowboy Churches’ in Texas. These are the Ten Commandments = posted on the front wall of the church. Don’t think they are from = the King James Version.] (1) Just = one God. (2) Put nothin’ = before God. (3) Git…

I heard that regular naps = prevent old age. Especially if you take them while = driving.   When I was young I did stupid = things because I didn’t know any better. Now I know better, and do = stupid things because I miss being young.   A diplomat…

17% of the people in the world (over 1.1 billion = people) live on less than $1 per day.   The United = States has 5% of the world’s population, and 25% of the world’s prison = population.   35% of the people who use personal ads for dating are…

My doctor told me, "You = have the body of a twenty-year-old.” I was pleased until he added, = “But you should return it. You’re stretching it completely out of = shape."   You’re not old until a = teenager describes you as middle-aged.   I’ve reached the age where…

The first-grade teacher was = showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could = name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, = "That’s a sheep!"   "That’s right!" said = the teacher.   "How about THIS one?" =…

Everyone my age is older than = me.   ‘You’re aging = gracefully’ is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking = worse.   He is so old that he gets = nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.   You’re old enough to remember = when…

Teresa is spoiling me rotten. With my leg in a cast = and limited mobility and elevated pain, she tells me to stay in my chair = and asks me “What can I make you for lunch?”  = We’ve been married almost 48 years and she has always been there…