Daily Humor

[Ideas for signs in the modern kitchen] I’m creative.= You can’t expect me to be neat too! So this isn’t Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!= Ring= Bell for Maid Service . . . If no answer, do it yourself! Martha Stewart doesn’= t live here!! I clean house…

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she = requested no male pallbearers. &nbsp= ; In her handwritten instructions for her memo= rial service, she wrote the reason. "They wouldn’t take me out = while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m…

Hospi= tal regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. Ho= wever, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman alre= ady dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insiste= d he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. Afte= r a…

This is a multipart message in MIME format. ——=_NextPart_000_0717_01DC10EF.4A012750 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=”us-ascii” Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Today’s quiz tests knowledge of Computer hardware and software Acronyms and Abbreviations. Some are almost universally known, and others were (and some still are) a mystery to me. Example: WWW – ____________ [World Wide Web] 1.…

Ju L.= announced, “I just blocked someone for correcting my grammar and it = feelded good.”   Tim M. reported, &= #8220;A man fell on the baggage carousel at the airport, but he’s slo= wly coming around.”   Deena O. admit= ted, “I used to be very narcissistic, but you…

[If J= esus gave the Sermon on the Mount today, would this be the response?]Jesus went into the mountains with His disciples; and He began to teach t= hem, saying: Blessed are the meek.Blessed are the poor in= spirit.Blessed are those who mourn.Blessed are the peacemakers.Blessed are those who hunger…

My mother taught me about STAMINA "You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished."   My = mother taught me about WEATHER "It l= ooks as if a tornado swept through your room."   My mother taught me ho= w to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS "If I ye= lled because…

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE= "If you’re going to kill each other, do it out= side.  I just finished cleaning!"   My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out = of the carpet."   My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL…

Heard= a story on the radio: Wife: If your mother and your wife were attac= ked at the same time by a tiger, which would you save. =   Husband: That’s easy.  The tiger, since they are= an endangered species.   [Evidently ther= e were no follow-up questions since the…

Perso= nal computers are very modern. Many taking this quiz have lived through the= ir entire “history”. Not “computers” per se, since = the word entered English language in 1700’s and the mechanical device= s for almost 100 years.  But we’ve witnessed amazing development= s in the “PERSONAL” computers,  Can…

Joan, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of her c= hurch’s morals, publicly accused her neighbor George of being an alcoholic = because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town’s only bar.   Georg= e stared at her for a moment and said nothing.   Later that evening,…

&#822= 0;The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my= days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”=AF Ja= ck London   “I went to the woods bec= ause I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of…

Q: Wh= y do fish live in salt water? A: Pepper makes them sneeze.   Q: What are spiders really good at?  A: Surfing the web.   Q: Why= don’t they play cards in the jungle?  A: Too many che= etahs.   Q: Why aren’t koalas consid= ered bears?  A:…