[Hope= you are all ears for our jokes about corn. And more jokes in the shopping = cart for the week ahead!]   How much does = pirate corn cost? A buck an ear.   How much does a corn flake weigh? 1 Kelloggram.   What the corniest part of…

[My j= okes last week about apples, bananas, and avocados raised a crop of obvious= ly jealous readers. But I just don’t carrot all and am going to conti= nue for a while.]   Why was Frosty inspect= ing the carrots at the grocery store? He was picking his nose=…

= “The question isn&#821= 7;t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”= ~~Ayn Rand   “The most di= fficult thing is the decision to act; the rest is merely tenacity.” ~~Amelia Earhart   “It = is still best to be honest and truthful; to…

= [Wednesday’s banana jo= kes and Thursday’s apple puns were easy. Avocado jokes for Friday? Sh= ould have waited a week for Friday the 13th) Don’t rub avocado in your eyes. You might get guacom= a.   What do you call an avocado that was = ripe 2 weeks ago?…

=   = [What i= s the core reason apple jokes and puns are so funny? Find out below.]   I went to the small corner store today = to buy some Fuji or Granny Smith or Delicious apples, but they didn’t= have any. It was a fruitless trip.  = Friend…

= [Sorry, but banana jokes are= so ap-peel-ing to me]   Why did the ban= ana go out with a prune? Because he couldn’t find a dat= e.   What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers.   A friend= told me that all apples were yellow.…

= Once, a moth flew into a vet= erinary clinic. The doctor saw him and asked him what the matter was. =   The moth said that he had a lot of problems.= He was not happy with his life; he was not happy with the job he was doing=…

= A man talked seriously = to his pastor about something terrible happening in his marriage. Hi= s pastor asked, "What’s wrong?" The man replied, "My = wife is poisoning me." Very surprised by this, the pastor asked= , "How can that be?" The man then pleaded, "I’m telli= ng you,…

= A little boy wanted to meet = God. He knew it must be a very long trip to where God lived, so he packed h= is small bag with Twinkies and cans of root beer and started his journey.   When he had gone about three blocks, he= met…

= (1) ”When his IQ reaches 50= , he should sell.” (2) ”If you see two people talking and one look= s bored, ….. he’s the other one.” (3) ”A photographic memor= y but with the lens cover glued on.” (4) ”A prime candidate for na= tural deselection.” (5) ”Donated his…

= (1) ”This employee should go far ….. and the sooner he starts, the bette= r.” (2) ”A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary = ignoramus.” (3) ”One neuron short of a synapse.” (4) ”Som= e drink from the fountain of knowledge;….. he only gargled.” (5) = ”He doesn’t…

= (1) ”This young lady has delusions of adequacy.” (2) ”His men wou= ld follow him anywhere ……. but only out of morbid curiosity.” (= 3) ”I would not allow this employee to breed.” (4) ”This employee= is really not so much of a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t…

= Two crows were in a field wh= en they noticed a figure in the distance that looked like a man.=   "See that over there? What is that?", as= ked the first crow.   The second crow to= ok a long look and answered, "Nuthin’ to be afraid of.…