Leaving a large suburban church in Michigan my first few years out of
seminary, I then pastored a small-town church in Wild Rose, Wisconsin
(1972-78) and Chetek, Wisconsin (1978-1984). Here is what I remember of
country churches from there, from Texas that followed, and now from small
churches across Wyoming:
1. The doors are never locked.
2. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
3. The Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering”
– and five guys stand up.
4. The restroom is outside.
5. In the annual stewardship Drive there is at least one pledge of “two
calves.”
6. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy
any meat or vegetables.
7. When it rains, everybody’s smiling.
8. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship
service.
9. A singing group is known as “The O.K. Chorale.”
10. The church directory doesn’t have last names.
11. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
12. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the
summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
13. There is no such thing as a “secret” sin.
14. Baptism is referred to as “branding.”
15. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
16. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
17. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o’clock that afternoon you
have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
18. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass
or catfish.
19. The cemetery is in such barren ground that people are buried with a
sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day.
20. The final words, of the benediction are, “Y’all come on back now, ya
hear!”
Remember, it’s not heaven, but you can see heaven from our church steps.
~~
Dr Bob Griffin
[email protected] www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”