04/18/14 Grif.Net – New Trainee

A young fellow got a job as a trainee in a supermarket.

On his first day at work, he came in early, eager to make a fresh beginning.
The manager welcomed him with a warm smile and giving him a broom, said,
“Your first job will be to sweep the floor.”

The young guy protested, “But I’m a college graduate”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that,” said the manager. “Here, hand me
the broom, and I’ll take a minute to show you how to sweep the floor.”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/17/14 Grif.Net – Too Much Time on FaceBook

Here are some warning signs that you may be spending too much time on
Facebook or Twitter or texting online

Tech Support calls “YOU” for queries.

When an office colleague shares a joke and you say “LOL” out loud.

You discover yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.

When at work, your boss frequently reminds you that the word “i” should be
capitalized.

You barely notice anymore when someone has a typo.

You discontinue talking in full sentences.

You have formed the habit of double clicking your TV remote.

You have an identity crisis when you learn of someone using a screen name
close to your own.

You are confused as to who you are, having changed your screen names so many
times.

You say “Scroll up” when a friend asks, “What did you say?”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/16/14 Grif.Net – Not-So-Famous Sayings

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Love doesn’t make the world go ’round, but it makes the ride worthwhile.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Lead me not into temptation, for I can find the way myself.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/15/14 Grif.Net – Not Sure about the New Guy

I am afraid I might have hired a “redneck” at our workplace. Need others to
be the judge but so far I’ve noticed . . .

1. He calls his computer mouse a ‘critter’.

2. He has a gun-rack mounted on the CPU.

3. His password is ‘bubba’.

4. He put a ‘Dale Earnhardt for President’ sticker over the Apple Logo.

5. He leaves whiskey-colored stains on outgoing faxes.

6. He asked for a slow printer since he doesn’t read very fast.

7. He installed Dodge truck parts in the extra RAM slots of his PC.

8. He added Cracker Barrel, Waffle House, Chick-fil-A and Whataburger
pop-ups to all his on-screen ‘menus’.

9. You find a skoal can hidden in the CD-ROM.

10. His monitor is up on cinder blocks.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/14/14 Grif.Net – Signs in the Kitchen

“My Favorite Thing to Make for Dinner is Reservations”

“I Only Have a Kitchen Because It Came with the House”

“I Hate When I go to the Kitchen to Get some Food and Only Find Ingredients”

“My Cooking is Fabulous. Even the Smoke Alarm is Cheering Me On”

“A Balanced Diet is a Cookie in Each Hand”

“A Clean House Is a Sign of a Misspent Life”

“A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out the Trash and Gives the Impression He
Just Cleaned the Whole House”

“A Messy Kitchen Is a Happy Kitchen… And This Kitchen Is Delirious”

“Countless Number of People Have Eaten in this Kitchen and Gone On to Lead
Normal Lives”

“Help Keep Our Kitchen Clean – Order Pizza”

“Housework Done Properly Can Kill You”

“My Next House Will Have No Kitchen – Just Vending Machines”

“No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing the Dishes”

“Thou Shalt Not Weigh More than Thy Refrigerator”

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/12/14 Weekend Grif.Net – Tax Time Promises

Top 10 Things You Won’t Have to Worry About on April 15th (tax day) ~

10. The Bible will still have the answers.

9. Prayer will still work.

8. The Holy Spirit will still move.

7. God will still inhabit praise.

6. There will still be anointed preaching.

5. There will still be the singing of praise.

4. God will still pour out blessings on His people.

3. There will be room at the cross for His children.

2. Jesus loves you.

And the number one thing you won’t have to worry about on April 15th (or
any other day)?

1. Jesus still saves.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/11/14 Grif.Net – New Bumper Stickers

“HONK, IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET”

“WE ARE STAYING TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF OUR CATS”

“IF YOU CAN READ THIS, I CAN SLAM ON MY BRAKES AND SUE YOU”

“DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK”

“THIS VEHICLE PROTECTED BY ANTI-THEFT BUMPER STICKER”

“I’M GONNA SURVIVE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME”

“BACK OF MY CAR”

“PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SCREAMING IN THE TRUNK”

“DRIVER CARRIES NO CASH. I’M MARRIED”

“YES, THIS IS MY TRUCK. NO, I WON’T HELP YOU MOVE”

“333 – I’M ONLY HALF EVIL”

“IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE WAY I’M DRIVE, YOU COME GET THESE HANDCUFFS OFF”

“THOU SHALT NOT STEAL. THE IRS HATES COMPETITION”

~~
ANSWERS TO BED BUG QUIZ
1. Chicago, IL
2. Los Angeles, CA
3. Columbus, OH
4. Detroit, MI
5. Cincinnati, OH
6. Cleveland, OH
7. Dayton, OH
8. Washington DC
9. Denver, CO
10. Indianapolis, IN

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/10/14 Grif.Net – Bed Bug Quiz

Reading an article by Orkin on Bed Bug infestations and their own research
as to the “leading” (not sure that is the right category to “lead” in) US
cities in the past year.

I was surprised that SEVEN of the top ten (or worse ten) were in the Midwest
and within 300 miles of each other. SO, am giving a “top ten” quiz, with
the three non-Midwest cities already in correct place.

All the others have just a first initial and it is up to you . .

1. C
2. Los Angeles, CA
3. C
4. D
5. C
6. C
7. D
8. Washington DC
9. Denver, CO
10. I

Scratch away . . answers tomorrow.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/09/14 Grif.Net – Call Home

HUSBAND’S CALL:
“Honey it’s me. I don’t want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was
leaving work. Linda brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over
and done some tests and some x-rays.

The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious
internal injury. However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in
the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot.”

WIFE’S RESPONSE:
“Who is Linda?”

And if you find that hard to believe, you’ve never been married.

[thanks for the forward from long-time grif.net reader Marilyn Long]

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/08/14 Grif.Net – NASA and the Navajo

In 1966, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission
took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the
Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface.

Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two
large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits. Nearby a
Navajo sheep herder and his son were watching the strange
creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by
personnel.

The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the
NASA personnel. Since the man did not know English, his son
asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA
people told them that they are just men that are getting
ready to go to the moon.

The man became very excited and asked if he could send a
message to the moon with the astronauts. The NASA personnel
thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape
recorder. After the man gave them his message, they asked
his son to translate. His son would not.

Later, they tried a few more people on the reservation to
translate and every person they asked would chuckle and then
refuse to translate. Finally, with cash in hand, someone
translated the message, “Watch out for these guys; they come
to take your land.”

[thanks for the forward to history professor and old colleague of mine in
the faculty bay at Pillsbury College, Dave McGuire]

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/07/14 Grif.Net – What About This?

If chocolate comes from cocoa beans (grown on a tree), does that make
chocolate a fruit, a nut, a vegetable or a salad?

If a mosquito bites me, I want to be so filled with God that it flies away
singing “There’s Power in the Blood”.

If vegetarians are trying to save the animals, why are they eating the
animal’s food?

If doctors go on strike, will they need pharmacists to translate the picket
signs?

If it is true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
others here for?

If you travel alone into desolate places, always bring a deck of cards. If
you get lost you need only start playing Solitaire. Someone will inevitably
come up behind you and say, “Put that red nine on the black ten!”

If you’re on the right track, you can still get hit by a train.

If you want to travel fast, walk alone. If you want to travel far, walk
together.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/05/14 Weekend Grif.Net – Memo for Choir Members

[I am away from my computer most of this weekend at the "Spring Ring" which
we are hosting in Casper. Fifteen 15 hand-bell groups from Colorado,
Wyoming, the Dakotas and western Nebraska gathering to train and perform a
massed concert. Since college I have loved the bells and find great joy in
this choir. Which led me to this poem - half jest and half serious]

Memo: All Choir members. We are learning a new Hymn – to be sung to the
tune St. Denio ["Immortal, Invisible"]

Immoral, impossible, God only knows
How tenors and basses, sopranos, altos
At service on Sunday are rarely the same
As those who on Wednesday to choir practice came.

Unready, unable to sight-read the notes,
Nor counting, nor blending, they tighten their throats:
The descant so piercing is soaring above
A melody only a mother could love.

They have a director, but one wonders why:
No one in the choir deigns turn him an eye.
It’s clear by his flailing, he wants them to look,
But each singer slouches with nose in the book.

Despite the offenses, the music rings out.
The folks in the pews are enraptured, no doubt.
Their faces are blissful, their thoughts appear deep,
But it is no wonder, for they are asleep.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”

04/04/14 Grif.Net – Church Cookbook

Some years ago I was requested to share a favorite recipe to include in a
local church fundraising cookbook. I’m sure you’ve had this happen, too. I
love to cook, so I asked “Carol” what format or guideline I should follow
for my submission. Here is the sample she gave:

ELEPHANT STEW
1 medium elephant
2 carrots
4 potatoes
1 onion

1. Take one medium elephant. Cut into 1 inch pieces (takes about a week.)
Put in a casserole dish with potatoes, carrots and onions.

2. Bake at 425 degrees for 8 days. Serves 1,300 people.

Note: If you need more meat, add a rabbit. Remember, though, some people
object to finding a hare in their food.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
bob@grif.net www.grif.net
“Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!”