Grif.Net

= “I was told that, sayi= ng “Oh, this old thing?” isn’t an appropriate way to intr= oduce my wife.”   “I argued wi= th my wife and finally yelled at her, ‘You know, I was a fool when I = married you.’ She replied, ‘That may be true, but…

= “I am not getting old;= I’ve become a classic.”  = &#8= 220;I don’t think I’m having hot flashes, but think my inner ch= ild is definitely playing with matches.”   “I found that a benefit of old age is that my secrets are alwa= ys safe with my friends…

= "I finally got eight ho= urs of sleep and it only took me three days!" &nbsp= ; "I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leave= s the station without me. It’s okay, though, I know it’ll circle back event= ually."   “I was notified that =…

= “Your time is limited,= so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”=AF&nb= sp;Steve Jobs   “Life is really simp= le, but we insist on making it complicated.”=AF Confucius   “The purpose of life is not to be ha= ppy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,…

= “Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take ca= ndy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for = it.’"   "Have you come to sing pumpkin carols, Charlie Brown?&qu= ot;   “Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.”  …

= What do ghosts have in their= noses?  Boo-gers!   Wh= y did the ghost starch his sheet?  He wanted to scare pe= ople stiff.   = What is a ghost’s favorite d= esert?  I-scream!  = Wha= t kind of horse does a ghost ride?  A night-mare   Where does…

= How do you know you’re in Georgia? When all directions start with &#8= 220;Go down Peachtree …” and include the phrase “When you= see the Waffle House …” How do you know you’re in= Iowa? When you see 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald’s on Prom nig= ht. How…

“M= arriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other= is the husband,” my friend John said as he shared this story:   &#8220= ;When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me tha= t I should get it fixed.…

There wa= s this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very pretty, and= he liked her a lot. One day he went to work and found a new girl had start= ed. Her family was originally from China, and her name was "Kleer Li&q= uot; .…

I am = proudly NOT Scandinavian and felt only mild sympathy for the Anderson&#8217= ;s, Jensen’s, and Oleson’s of my Minnesota youth. Always heard = that you can tell a Norwegian, but you can’t tell them much. I’= m not sure I ever met a full-blooded Dane in my life,…

= Q: What is black and covered= with feathers and flies? A: A dead crow. =   Q: What family does the zebra belong to? = A: = Can’t say, none of the families in our neighborhood owns a zebra.   Q: What do you call two monkeys that share…

= I got an A on my origami ass= ignment when I turned my paper into my teacher.   I poured some water over a duck’s back yesterday. I don’t think he = cared.   I know my girlfriend thought I wa= s invading her privacy because she wrote about…

["R= esumania" is a term used to describe the unintentional bloopers that o= ften appear on job candidates’ resumes, job applications and cover letters.= ]    "Objection: To utilize my skills in sales." (Have you considered law school?)    "My = salary requirement is $34 per year." (They say money…