Grif.Net

[We all have heard “common phrases” used by parents= or adult when we were younger.  Many are “regional”, some= “ethnic”, and all “memorable”!  Here are a fe= w of mine and would love to hear some of your favorite phrases from childho= od]   &#= 8220;If it was a snake,…

[First weekend of each month are quotations that pack a punch w= here I need it. Couldn’t verify origination of any of these that focu= s on “doing”.]  = “Do something today that your future self will t= hank you for.”   “You will never always be motivated, so you…

State/Local Laws in Wisconsin have me scratching my head. Here = are some examples:   1. It is illegal for restaurants to serve Margarine unless spe= cifically requested by the consumer. &n= bsp; 2. If two trains meet, neither may proceed u= ntil one of them moves.   3. Livestock…

Both of my friends asked me what was going on in my life. = So I shared this update about my life.   > My daughter gave me a ‘World’s Best= Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.   > My dog is smart. I aske= d him…

[We continue monthly puns from Tom Swifty humor, moving on to t= he letter “P”.  “I offer this list as a gift to you,= ” said Bob presently.]   "My pencil is dull," said Tom pointlessly.=   &quot= ;Yes, I stole the glass from the windows," said Tom painstakingly.  …

[Am I alone thinking that the level of “help” in so= me shops has gone down faster than my retirement savings under this adminis= tration?]   **At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding t= he price for my cucumber. “Maybe the = list is alphabetical,” I offered.…

[With the coast-to-coast storms of the past week, this anonymou= s British poem from yesteryear seems to be in our forecast] Whether = the weather be fine Or whether the weather be not, Whether the = weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We’ll weather th= e weather…

[Cards and hearts adorn our house all February. Here are bits a= nd pieces of poems that adorn my heart.] She walks in beauty, like t= he night Of cloudless climes and starry skie= s; And all that’s best of dark and bri= ght Meet in her aspect and her…

[More than simple Dad Jokes to which we all groan expectedly, h= ere are a couple of ramped up (or down) in perspective]   Dad: Where do rainbows go= if they are bad? Kid: I don’t know Dad: PrismKid: Really?Dad: Yes. Obviou= sly, they just get a light sentence. &n=…

And the true, short story of every parent: “My house was clean. Then the kids woke up. The end.&#822= 1;   Sin= ce I worked so hard keeping the house tidy, I started a new job as a street= cleaner today to get paid for it. There&#82= 17;s no training…

Found out most men in Wisconsin prefers brooms over vacuum clea= ners when it comes to tidying the floors. So= rry if that seems a sweeping generalization.   Salesman: “Ma’am, this = vacuum cleaner is so great that it will cut all your work by half!” Woman: “That’s fantastic! Give…

My cousin wanted to know if I knew any laundry puns.= I told her that I’ve got loads of them.   After ironing = all the clothes, my mom accidentally dropped the whole pile of laundry. I witnessed it all unfold.   Ironing puns aren’t = as bad as everyone…

I’m really not into spring cleaning. Come to think of it, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter = cleaning either.   I feel like I should clean the house. I’m going to lay down until the feeling passes.   You never know what yo= u have until you clean…