Grif.Net

[We are up to = the “G” adverbs in our hopeless search for any redeeming = value in Tom Swifty puns]   "For the = meal we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful," = said Tom gracefully.   "That = young crawling insect is female,"…

A few of us were discussing the perils of drinking and = driving when my five-year-old granddaughter threw in her two cents. =   “I can see why it would be dangerous to drink and = drive,” she said. “If you hit a bump, the straw could go up =…

1. If anything = is worth doing, it would have been done already.   2. Never put = off until tomorrow what you can forget about = altogether.   3. All = deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time = given.   4. The = probability of a…

Here are a few = commonly used oxymorons in everyday English.  Judge yourself if = guilty of using some of these and “going nowhere” or being = “pretty bad” in your writing or speech.  Many familiar = oxymorons (jumbo shrimp, military intelligence, old news, et al) have = been the…

[Ov= erheard at church after the service]   An = older single lady in the church seemed confused when a young mother told = her that her daughter was 18 months old.   &#8= 220;Oh,” she said. “I thought she was a year and a = half.”   &#8= 220;But…

[Kevin Kelly = (founder of Wired Magazine and aged 70) shares even more advice based on = what he had learned from living]   Lif= e lessons will be presented to you in the order they are needed. = Everything you need to master the lesson is within you. Once…

I invited a = friend to church, and he promised to come.  He didn’t show = up, so I texted him, saying I had missed him, and asking why he = didn’t make it.   He said, = “I was on my way to your church and was almost there…

A gal we went to school with 50 years ago said, = “Teaching is not for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, = past, and present tenses with teenaged students in my English class, I = posed a question”“‘I AM BEAUTIFUL’ – What = tense is that?” One student raised his…

Every few = weeks I =E2=80=9Ccommuted=E2=80=9D 12 hours from the Pillsbury College = campus where I taught in Minnesota back to my home in Wyoming for long = weekends with the family. On return, I often brought = =E2=80=9Ctreats=E2=80=9D for my colleagues. Cookies from my wife or = donuts from…

DID YOU KNOW . = . . that the old woman who lived in a shoe was not the sole owner? = (Evidently there were strings attached)   DID YOU KNOW . = . . that when a chemist dies, you should barium?   DID YOU KNOW . = .…

A woman and her eight-year-old son were on a Sunday = evening flight home, returning from a week with Grandpa, just in time to = celebrate Father’s Day.   As they landed and headed off the plane toward the = terminal, everyone heard the mother say to the boy, “Now…

For two years = they knew each other with mutual and growing dislike.  Bob was the = wild youth, pushing the envelope of every boundary with a laugh, while = Teresa was Miss Prim-and-Proper.  Both were gifted college = students, talented, in plays and choirs, but no inclination to think…

[Some famous folks give advice for Father’s = Day]   "Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them = responsibility for 24-36 hours." – Conan = O’Brien   "I sometimes equate it to what it must be like running a prison. = What happens with three…