Grif.Net

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and…

ELEPHANTS – Ever see elephants that weigh tons tied to a small wooden stake with nothing but a rope that they could break without effort? Their training starts out with a steel cable that they cannot break. After a while, the cable is removed and the rope is put on.…

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur? A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog? A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us-Rex Q: Why did the T-rex cross the road? A: So he could eat the chickens on the other side Q: What do you get if you cross a dinosaur…

20 books for interesting summer reading . . . ‘I Was Prepared’ by Justin Case ‘The Future of Robotics’ by Cy Borg and Anne Droid ‘Why Should I Walk?’ by Iona Carr ‘How to Survive a Bear Attack’ by Ben Eaton ‘CPR Made Easy’ by Izzy Dead ‘Where Have All…

[Esther forwarded these stories to make you scratch your head] My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, = but they only had iceberg. ~~ A family had to have the…

Even if you aren’t, you may SOUND educated by utilizing perfect English: Scintillate, scintillate asteroid minific Translation: Twinkle, twinkle little star Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate ensemble Translation: Birds of a feather flock together Surveillance should precede saltation Translation: Look before you leap Pulchritude possesses solely…

A new theory suggests that Elvis and Godzilla were identical twins who were SEPARATED AT BIRTH. Could Godzilla, the King of Monsters and Elvis, The King, be one and the same? You be the judge. Nickname Godzilla: King of Monsters Elvis: King of Rock Year Career Started Godzilla: 1954 Elvis:…

[Carol forwarded this lesson of life from nature. Not sure of its accuracy but was impressed by it. Thank you.] BUZZARD – If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its…

[Suggested questions for my August trip to see the grandkids] Q: How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? A: They had reservations. Q: What did one elevator say to the other? A: I think I’m coming down with something! Q: What did Tennessee? A:…

[Had fun writing some fictitious “personal ads” for well-known Bible characters. Feel free to send me some YOU think up. BTW, can you figure out the writers?] “Come with me to the promised land. Traditional religious man seeks adventurous mate for the journey of a lifetime. If you enjoy traveling,…

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, please press 1, then 1, then 1 again, then 1, then 1 repeatedly. If you are Codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have Multiple Personalities, please press 3,4,5,and 6. If you are Paranoid-Delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just…

[From an Air France bulletin, dated December 1, 1989] Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an ‘E’ for Effort. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that…

Visited last week in northern Illinois (hot and humid) with 6 of my grandchildren. Thought you all might enjoy some of the questions I asked them . . and see if YOU know the answers! [Answers on Wednesday, but you can send in guesses] 1. What peels and chips but…