Like every male, I fear hearing these questions:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells
the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below,
along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of
course, would be, “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just
reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman
you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.” (This response obviously bears
no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is Football, Golf, Fat,
Cute girls, How I would spend the insurance money if you died.)
Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel
a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.” Inappropriate responses
include: “I guess”, “Would it make you feel better if I said yes?” “That
depends on what you mean by love.” “Does it matter?” Or “Who, me?”
Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course
not!” Among the incorrect answers are, “Compared to what?” “I wouldn’t call
you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.” “A little extra weight looks good on
you.” “I’ve seen fatter.” “Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about
how I would spend the insurance money if you died.”
Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me? Once again, the proper
response is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include:
“Yes, but you have a better personality”, “Not prettier, but definitely
thinner”, “Not as pretty as you when you were her age”, “Define pretty”,
“Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the
insurance money if you died.”
Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The
real answer, of course, is “Buy a Lotus and a boat”). No matter how you
answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions. But in
no case should you ever answer with, “Sorry what did you say? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.”
~~
Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given