Grif.Net

The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of…

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God. “God”, he said, “how long is a million years?” God answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.” The man asked,…

10. He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married. 9. He had no in-laws to drop in. 8. There were no Jones for him to keep up with. 7. There were no credit cards OR shopping centers. 6. He never had…

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians — they are my best workers. 2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked — I can use them. 3.…

Hey! It’s MY turn to sit on the front pew! I was so enthralled I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes. Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. I’ve decided to give our church the $500.00 a month I used to send to Jerry Falwell.…

The top ten reasons men should join the church choir: 10. Rehearsals are every Wednesday night. Which means that for those few hours, you will significantly reduce your risk of contracting tendonitis from nonstop operation of a television remote control or computer mouse. 9. Because you wear a choir robe…

There will be no nursing home in my future……… When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term…

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The ACLU…

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how, after the worship service, he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money for unexpected repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was upset to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought…

From a GRIF.NET READER near Milwaukee 6:30 a.m., April 9 “I awoke this morning to what I expected to be blaring music . . . the side effect of being cheap is that you have to put up with all that you have bought. I purchased a clock radio alarm…

[VAS sent me this and I just may use it] Q: Why did Bob park in the “handicapped” parking space ever since buying his new car? A: Because the car payments cost him an arm and a leg. Ain’t that the truth! ~~ Dr Bob Griffin, www.grif.net 1 cross +…

Sadam Hussein’s Obituary has finally been completed: Hussein was predeceased by two sons, Uday and Qusay, and is survived by 15 sons: Sooflay, a restauranteur; Guday, who lives in Australia; Huray, a sports fanatic; Sashay, who is gay; Kuntay and Kintay, twins living in Africa; Sayhay, a baseball player; Ojay,…

This is what political spin looks like: Judy, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton’s great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On…