Grif.Net

My grandson (I’m enjoying time with him today) is a math nut. So I asked him these two question. In a contest, four fruits (an apple, a banana, an orange, and a pear) have been placed in four closed boxes (one fruit per box). People may guess which fruit is…

[I am on many on-line forums so see some clever signature “tag lines” or one-liners that I’ve enjoyed. Most a little warped; some barbed. Here are some examples.] Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Fundamentalism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy. There are…

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, “Ladies,…

If we’d all heed these, the psychologists, psychiatrists, analysts, and counselors would be looking for another job! Enjoy these “Lessons taught by life” by Regina Brett, The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve…

In case you ever get these two environments confused, this should clear things up a bit. In JAIL you spend the majority of your time in a 10=D710 cell. At your = JOB you get a 6=D76 cubicle.=20 In JAIL you get three free meals per day. At your JOB,…

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn’t be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and…

Like every male, I fear hearing these questions: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is…

If you’re ever been pulled over for speeding (or any other reason), you probably should not say any of the following statements to the officer: 10. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer. 9. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector…

ON TURNING 70 – “You still chase women, but only downhill”. ON TURNING 80 – “That’s the time in your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.” ON TURNING 90 – “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” ON TURNING 100 – “I…

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio,…

In order to continue getting by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language. Practice by reading the following conversation out loud until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”. With a little patience, you’ll be able to fit right in. Now, here…

[Some additional suggested messages were supplied by Gene, Sue and others] Hello this is the Psychic hotline answering machine. We knew you would call and did not want to talk, that is why we did not answer. Now we think you are smiling. Hi this is an answering device, I…

1. “Hi. Now you say something.” 2. “Hi. John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.” 3. “Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do…