Grif.Net

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The women’s group voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The pastor-parish relations committee accepted your job description…

Here’s a quiz for those who don’t have enough “green” to spend on the super-sales of “black” Friday and invest their time more wisely, like reading the Grif.Net. Every answer has “Green” in it, so they aren’t too tough . . . 1. Early US currency 2. Tune of “What…

By the President of the United States of America, a Proclamation. The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they…

Thanksgiving Prayer: May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have never a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! (And yes, I DO know how to…

(We have some engineers in our church and Ecunet had a special theological quiz for them. You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon) The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of…

EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”? Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,…

1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, and all government business will be conducted in our language. 2. Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote, no matter how long they are here. 3. Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold…

I’ll give hints or phonetic spelling of words that you should be able to figure out . . but knowing the missing word is the EASY part; can you SPELL this baker’s dozen correctly? 1. Musical instrument like a piano you squeeze is ____________ 2. In the military, the rank…

There was this new restaurant in town that everyone was talking about because it had a robot-waiter. A man walked in to see this for himself. He sat down and sure enough, a robot was waiting tables. The man ordered a soda, and the robot asked him what his IQ…

[Purportedly copied from doctors’ notes on charts] 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15 Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had…

Sue forwarded these are actual writings from various hospital charts. My wife (the doctor) laughed and quickly copied them to take to her clinic and post!!] 1.The patient refused an autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.…

[While the bride – hey, somebody in the family needs to work – still has 3 years until retirement, I was asked recently if I were retired. No. Tired, yes, but not retired. Just not working much. Allergic to sweat. Anyway, here is the test.] Q. When is a retiree’s…

[Written by Susan Lantz] Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he…