Grif.Net

Lou goes to the doctor’s office complaining of not feeling well. The doctor runs some test on him and in a few minutes comes back in. The doctor says, “Lou, sit down. I’ve got some really bad news. You don’t have much time to live.” Lou is obviously upset about…

I hereby officially TENDER MY RESIGNATION as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and…

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I…

[As you may already know, Haiku has 17 syllables: 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. Here are some suggestions.] OPTIONS Unemployment’s out. Hey, maybe I can get on Disability BLAZE Distant siren screams Neighbor kid’s been playing with Gasoline again REMORSE A…

[All credit to an old Ann Landers clipping that listed “Important Things My Kids Taught Me”] *It’s more fun to color outside the lines. *If you’re gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch. *Ask why until you understand. *Save a place in line for your friends. *If…

[Can’t let this day pass without special birthday love and a prayer for my sweet wife Teresa. I won’t reveal her age, but as of today no one will be able to say she is 60. She is a gifted healer and used mightily by God in her special ministry…

[Here are some new measurements to add to our growing list of terms] Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:…

Interesting story: Norman M. Thomas (1884-1968) – some of us are old enough to remember him running for President – was a leading American socialist, pacifist, and six-time presidential candidate for the Socialist Party of America. Norman Thomas said in a 1944 speech: “The American people will never knowingly adopt…

[Trying to beat another snow-storm driving home. Winter will not end! But that does not stop me from asking you these VERY IMPORTANT questions:] What do you get when you cross . . . A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip. A dog with a cantaloupe? A…

TOP TEN SIGNS you’re an E-mail Junkie . . . 1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 2. You name your firstborn child Dotcom. 3. You turn off your modem and get this…

A school teacher injured his back over spring break and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day after break, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself…

We mentioned the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic on April 15th, 1912 (nothing to do with the IRS if you can believe the government). Many lives were lost, as was her unique cargo of 10 tons of a new product called “mayonnaise” shipped from Europe to expanding markets…

Heading 700 miles today across one of the most un-scenic routes in America. (Yep. Nebraska) Was asked if my wife would be along. We have had problems driving in the past, so I am leaving her at home. Why? Here’s an example of the last trip TERESA DRIVING – 1.…