Grif.Net

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) ****** The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (That would be…

I was walking with a friend, and he surprised me by stating he was a “Leading Economic Indicator”. I had to ask him WHY he thought so. He replied, “My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, my back wants to bail out on me…

Trying to fix his stalled car, Mr. “A” (he asked to keep his name anonymous) broke the gas line. The gas soaked his shirt, but the car started. Driving to a repair shop, he lit a cigarette and his sleeve caught fire. Thinking that the wind would extinguish the flame,…

[As my faithful readers know, during the week we send inane humor, but on the weekend we focus on serious moral, ethical, political or religious issues. This is a true story.] One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God at her heart. She responded…

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo people couldn’t get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.…

Here are some simple T/F questions about Tea. Example: Tea is grown on bushes, not on actual trees. FALSE (Tea is a tropical evergreen tree, with new tips the only part used) T/F 1. In the USA the only state to raise tea commercially is Georgia. T/F 2. 85% of…

Always laboring fervently for you in prayers, that you may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God. —Col. 4:12 Just before John Ashcroft was being sworn in as a US senator, he met with family and friends for prayer. As they gathered around him, he saw his…

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun, whose purpose it is to launch dead chickens. It is used to shoot a dead chicken at the windshields of airline jets, military jets and the space shuttle, at the vehicle’s maximum travelling velocity. The idea being, that it will simulate the frequent…

I am PROUD to be a “fundamentalist” born-again Baptist minister for nearly 40 years. Yet I also have to laugh (rather than cry) when poking fun at some who claim this title and who take themselves too seriously! Laugh AT me or WITH me You might be giving “fundamentalists” a…

[The grif.net will be more intermittent for a few days but don’t worry, WE’LL BE BACK (much to your regrets!)] A musician who joined the cruise ship orchestra was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, “Either you learn to keep time or…

Albert Einstein was at a party in Boston and he was surrounded by a small crowd of admirers. He introduces himself to the first member of the group, and asks, “What is your IQ?” The man answers, “191.” “Wonderful!” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and…

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, Looked in the mirror, And noticed she had only three hairs on her head. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today.’ So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, Looked…

This is from a newsgroup that specializes in puns and word plays. Somebody wrote something about a lion, but he misspelled ‘lion’ as ‘loin’. In any other setting, people would just recognize the typo (or miss it entirely) and carry on. In this group you can bet somebody will make…