Grif.Net

A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”…

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t, don’t!” Frantic, I asked, “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?” “Nothing. She’s just having contractions.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus Knows Me, This…

[Forwarded by a grif.net factory worker] I work in a major US factory. We make refrigerators. Four thousand, five hundred new refrigerators every day – but this focus is on one man who works in this huge factory. I’ve seen him around for years but never paid much attention. He…

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with…

A young man called directory assistance. “Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.” “There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me…

Which month has 28 days? All of them! What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang on around while I go on ahead! If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become? Wet! Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.…

If the red house was made out of red bricks, and the blue house was made out of blue bricks, what was the green house made out of? Glass! What runs but never walks? Water! What kind of coat you can put on which doesn’t have buttons, a zipper, or…

ABDICATE: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. ADULT: One who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before…

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very…

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Time and again in his 30’s, 40’s and 50’s he had wanted to propose, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Now they were advanced in years, retired and neither of them had ever…

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children” “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY.” “My Mom said…

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kinds of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and…

Driver Carries No Cash: He’s Married Take Your Ex Out Tonight One Bullet Ought to Do It Wife and Dog Missing Reward for Dog 4 out of 3 People Have Trouble with Fractions I Child-Proofed My House But the Grandkids Still Get In Go Green Recycle Congress The Shortest Sentence…