Grif.Net

Phoning a patient, the doctor says, “I have some bad news= and some worse news. The bad news is that you have only 24 hours left to l= ive.”   “That is bad news,” the patient replies. “What coul= d be worse?”   The doctor answers, “I’ve been trying to…

[Someone asked how I developed such a “unique” (&#8= 220;warped”) sense of humor. In one word? Groucho. Groucho Marx was a= hero of mine with his wit, his odd one-liners, and his subtle word plays]   >&g= t; “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad…

Me: “I’d love to travel more”. My checking account: “Like, to the park?”   Son: &#82= 20;Don’t fish go on vacation?” D= ad: “No, they’re always in school.” =   Fan: “Why can’t= basketball players go to Florida?” Co= ach: “They’d get called for travelling.”   Son: “What is yo=…

At a high school in Montana a group of students played a prank = to try to get out of classes as May and the school year ended.   Early one morning,= they let three goats loose in the school. Before they let them go, they sp= ray painted numbers…

All these advertising taglines were common in the 1950-1990&#82= 17;s era of radio, television and print. Some are still a part of our world= today; most have faded. But all were part of the “top 100” adv= ertising taglines ever. Is one of these your favorite? Think you know the…

A group of highly established alumni got together to visit thei= r old university professor. The conversation among them soon turned into co= mplaints about their stressful work and life. The professor went to his kit= chen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups,…

It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically,= “Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth w= hen you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.”   Then just when I final= ly got my husband squared away, the kids came along.   ~~  …

Daniel B. reminisced, “I remember the fastest boy in grad= e school.  Think his name was Andy Zoff.”   Tim M. admitted, “Of c= ourse I didn’t mean to offend you. It was a huge bonus, though.”=   Wayne I. r= elated, “In my career, learning how to pick locks…

What happens if you take the five o’clock train home from= Chicago? You must give it back.   What’s wors= e than raining cats and dogs on a New York City vacation? Hailing taxi.   I took four hours to check out of my hotel in Japan.= The receptionist told…

Little Jacob saw his Grandma coming down the walk with his Mom.= "I sure am happy to see you, Grandma! Now maybe Daddy will do the tri= ck he’s been promising."   Grandma was curious and asked, "What trick is = that?"   Jacob answered, "I heard him tell Mommy…

“Figures don’t lie, but liars figure”, is an = old (and quite accurate) adage. Few statistics are consistent, few agree. B= ut here are some “general” percentages that are at least in the= vicinity of “fact”. How well can you play the matching game?NO GOOGLE. Please guess only ONE publicly.…

Centuries ago, in a small Mediterranean town, there was a poor = man who was in a great amount of debt. His banker, who was an old, unattrac= tive man, strongly desired the poor man’s beautiful youngest daughter= =2E The banker decided to offer the man a deal to forgive…

“We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl= would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, t= he girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. By the time I was 14, I owned my own…