Grif.Net

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee: “Before we order, could you please settle an…

[ML forwarded this great reminder] In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment. The woman apologized to him and explained, “We didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”…

If you are from the northern states and planning on vacationing anywhere in the South, there are a few things you should know that may help you from sticking your foot in your mouth: ~The North has coffee houses. The South has Waffle House ~The North has dating services. The…

Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line, shared these real questions from first-time cruisers: ~Do these steps go up or down? ~What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt? ~Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship? ~Does…

Camping 4 Dummies -Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. -A two-man pup tent does not fit two men or even a good-sized pup. -A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent…

In case any of you are looking this holiday week for summer vacation spots, be aware of the following advertising lingo: Old world charm = No bath Tropical = Rainy Majestic setting = A long way from town Options galore = Nothing is included in the itinerary Secluded hideaway =…

For one who was born and grew up in the small towns of the Midwest, there is a special kind of nostalgia about the Fourth of July. I remember it as a day almost as long-anticipated as Christmas. This was helped along by the appearance in store windows of all…

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and success of liberty. ~John F. Kennedy One flag, one land, one heart, one hand, One Nation evermore!…

[Both a circus and carnival are coming to town, bringing out the bad puns in me] An old clown retired and decided to hand over the business to his son. His son responded, “I don’t know if I can do it, Dad. You have big shoes to fill.” ~~ A…

OFFICIAL OUTDOOR GRILL RULES: We have entered the outdoor grilling season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to Grill, the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2)…

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there…

A sweet lady came into the clinic with a baby and asked the nurse to weigh the baby. “Sorry, the baby scale is broken,” said the nurse. “But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on a regular adult scale, and then weigh the…

Did you hear about how the dermatologist started his business from scratch? Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who had trouble with her pupils? Did you hear about the allergic girl who went into the bee-keeping business and got hives? Did you hear about the cat who ate cheese…