Grif.Net

[Marilyn forwarded this timely collection for our enjoyment after the embarrassment of the “debate” last night] “If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.” Jay Leno “The problem with political jokes is they get elected.” Henry Cate “We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great…

[Each Fall we try to update our definitions on Football as applied to the Church. Here is the latest . . .] Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit. Backfield-in-Motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during…

Look on the bright side when it comes to taxes! Thank God we don’t get as much government as we are paying for! A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can’t find…

[BN forwarded this email to remind me of the roots of our great American Republic. Thought it worthwhile to share with everyone.] Did you know that 52 of the 55 signers of The Declaration of Independence were orthodox, deeply committed Christians? The other three all believed in the Bible as…

Three guys are walking along a beach together. A guy from Iowa, a guy from Illinois and a guy from Wisconsin. They come across a lantern and out pops a Genie. “I will give you each one wish” says the Genie. The guy from Iowa says, “My grandfather was a…

A doctor shared this story about her four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, she had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. “Be still, my heart,” thought my physician friend, “my daughter wants to follow in my…

15 years ago (yeah, I’ve been sending out the grif.net emails a long time) we published: “Children’s Books You’ll Never See Printed”. Without any popular request, here they are again: “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Strangers Have the Best Candy” “The Little Sissy Who Snitched” “Getting More…

Just when you think you’re alone the phone rings. My life has a superb cast, but I can’t figure out the plot. Support the right to arm bears. We do precision guesswork. He who claims to be a self-made man has relieved God of an embarrassing responsibility. College Years: The…

I heard that there’s a group of South American Indians that worship the number zero. Is nothing sacred? ~~ I heard that a man who stole a calendar was sentenced to 12 months in jail. I wonder; are his days numbered? ~~ I heard that the man who stole a…

[Willy Eagle reported this as a true story] A brother and sister had made their usual hurried, obligatory pre-Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly parents with their small herd of horses. The farm was where they had grown up and had been named Lone Pine Farm…

A shout out to my church members. I am preaching Sunday from the Gospel of St. Matthew 23:34-36 so read ahead. WAIT A MINUTE! I am not as old-fashioned as people think. I just used email to send my very first text message. ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus…

Complete the following phrases using an appropriate English word. Ex. A – Bad pastors should be de-frocked 1. Bad electricians should be de-____________. 2. Bad musicians should be de-____________. 3. Bad cowboys should be de-_____________. 4. Bad fashion models should be de-____________. 5. Bad tree surgeons should be de-_____________. 6.…

Capitalism – He who dies with the most toys, wins. Hari Krishna – He who plays with the most toys, wins. Catholicism – He who denies himself the most toys, wins. Anglican – They were our toys first. Greek Orthodox – No, they were OURS first. Islam – He who…