Grif.Net

How do you know if a sniper likes you? He really misses you.   ~~ I went to the doct= or and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?”= I said, “They’re yellow, Homer’s fat= , and Marge has blue hair.”…

The wife and I love to walk the beach in summer. We noticed a g= al who was at the beach every day, and often walked up to folks sunbathing = or just relaxing on the beach.   She wasn’t unusual, and most of the folks sh= e approached would…

Two crows were near a cornfield when they noticed a figure that= looked like a man in the distance. &quo= t;See that over there? What is that?", asked the first crow. The second crows took a long look. "That= ‘s a scarecrow. But it sure looks authentic, doesn’t it?" "How…

I was feeling really warm with these high summer temps. The wife said if I just put on sunglasses, I’= d be a lot cooler.   ~~ Know that Humpty Dumpty had = a terrible summer. But heard that at least h= e had a great fall.   ~~ I…

Carla B moaned, “Ohio is stealing my l= ife story – a series of train wrecks in an already depressed area.” Thom D concluded, “127% of all people e= xaggerate.”   Adrian G reminded us, “You can turn your regular sofa int= o a sofa bed just by forgetting your…

[Random “stuff” I’ve collected and share on f= irst weekend of each month] “Don’t watch the clock; do w= hat it does. Keep going.” ~ Sam Levens= on   &#8= 220;Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.” ~ Brian Vaszily   “There may be people…

What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.   ~~ The last thing my gran= dfather said before he died was “Pints, liters, gallons!” That spoke volumes to me.   ~~ The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. Yes, it was an Apple. But with a= n…

Heard that God challenged the Devil to a game of baseball.=   “How= can I lose?” God asked. “I have all the best players up here!&= #8221;   “How can I lose?” replied the Devil. “I have all of the= umpires down here.”  = ~~ &nbs= p; ~~ANSWERS TO LARGEST…

Next MULTIPLE GUESS QUIZ (we give the answer, and you guess whi= ch is right).  Not the world’s largest quiz, but on facts about = what is largest or greatest in the world.    1. What country has the world&#8= 217;s largest national park? (Canada, Denmar= k, Kenya, Russia)  …

[Always start each month with puns, but this is the final batch= of Tom Swifties. Combined these last five letters since few adverbs start = with those end-of-alphabet letters] &nb= sp; “I can tell which way the wind is blowi= ng,” said Tom vainly.   "I feel so… empty," said…

[Story from a friend who reported it as true.] It was Fr= iday night after a long week of summer school.  I didn’t want to= just get on the bus and go home.  All my buddies were going out to re= lax a bit and have some fun. I jumped…

Once, a psychology professor walked around his classroom full o= f students holding a glass of water with his arm straightened out to the si= de. He asked his students, “How heavy is this glass of water?”   The st= udents started to shout out guesses–ranging anywhere from 4 ounces…

Do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?   ~~ To some marriage is a word. To o= thers, it’s a sentence.   ~~ I bought my wife = a new refrigerator for a birthday present. I= know her face will light up when she opens it.   ~~ Genie: What’s…