Grif.Net

[My favorite speech teacher forwarded this story by an author known only as “Pat”] The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when…

[E.S. said his dear, widowed mother sent this to him and it sounded like something I’d use. Nope. Won’t use it. Sorry. Maybe.] The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that…

I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted. Today I gave my dead batteries away, free of charge. I’m going to stand outside by the corn. So if anyone asks, tell them “he is outstanding in his field”. The past, present and future walk into…

A police rookie was asked during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.” ~~ A friend said she’d just opened a new restaurant and called the place Karma. Evidently there’s no menu, and you just get what you…

[Grif.Net readers GROAN when I feature kids jokes, but I get more positive feedback on them than just about any other humor. So HERE ARE SOME MORE!] Q: What do you call a guy who never passes gas in public? A: A private tutor. Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher…

[Some grif.net “humor” goes over the heads of the little ones, so collected these for the grandkids to enjoy. Adults may groan appropriately.] Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? (don’t ever do this, kids) A:…

‘You’re just out of date,’ said a young Pastor Bate To one of our faithful old preachers Who had carried for years, in travail and tears, The Gospel to poor, sinful creatures. ‘You still preach on Hades, and shock cultured ladies With your barbarous doctrine of blood; You’re so far…

I was asked if I knew about how old the biblical patriarch Isaac was when he went with his father Abraham to be offered as a human sacrifice on Mt Moriah. I put on my professorial face and shared that “While the chronology allows different views and we cannot be…

After a massive heart attack, Grandpa was rushed to the hospital. The staff worked frantically to save his life. After a few hours, the doctor came out of the ER with a long face and shared the news with the family. “Grandpa’s heart is still beating but I’m afraid he…

What did the dentist tell the Ginger Bread Man at his last visit? “I’m sorry, but you have Gingervitis.” What did the doctor tell the Pillsbury Dough Boy at his last checkup? “I’m sorry, but you seem to have a bad yeast infection.” What assurance did the cardiac surgeon give…

Our Late Night Talk-Show Hosts keep a finger on the pulse of America. Here is a recent collection: Leno: President Obama gave the commencement speech at Ohio State University. He said, “I dare you to do better” – to which the students yelled back, “No, we dare YOU to do…

I was blessed with three beautiful, intelligent and above-average children. When they were in grade school, my daughter – the youngest who was always asking me questions – came home from kindergarten one day and asked, “Daddy, how many children did you really want?” I considered my answer, thinking of…

[from Kirk Loadman, a ‘Psalm of Praise’] Let us praise those fathers who have striven to balance the demands of work, marriage, and children with an honest awareness of both joy and sacrifice. Let us praise those fathers who, lacking a good model for a father, have worked to become…