Grif.Net

The World Health Organization released “Murder Statistics” for the world. Here are murders per 100,000 citizens: Honduras 91.6 El Salvador 69.2 Cote d’lvoire 56.9 Jamaica 52.2 Venezuela 45.1 Belize 41.4 Virgin Islands 39.2 Guatemala 38.5 Saint Kits and Nevis 38.2 Zambia 38.0 Uganda 36.3 Malawi 36.0 Lesotho 35.2 Trinidad and…

[Here are some financial one-liners to end the week] The most prosperous investor was Noah. He floated stock while everything around him went into liquidation. My wife and I have a joint account. I deposit money and she spends it. Why is money called “dough”? Because we all knead it.…

[Clever and lame word plays. You decide.] I used to be a banker but I lost interest. A bank manager without anyone around may find himself aloan. During an earthquake in California a bank went into default. When I asked if I could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted…

The economy of Greece is in Ruins. But hasn’t it always been? Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has kept working for years after he stated he was leaving. When asked, Bernanke replied, “Where else would I get a job in this lousy economy?” Michelle and Sasha Obama took more trips…

The economy is so bad, I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart The economy is so bad, Bill Gates had to switch to dial-up The economy is so bad, Barack Obama changed his slogan to “Maybe We Can!” The economy’s so bad, Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen The…

[Thought a week of humor, satire and jokes about money might help us through the dog days of summer and my questionable money-management concerns.] My new motto: “Money can’t buy poverty” My bank in Detroit returned my check “Insufficient funds”. I am confused and wonder “them or me”? My question…

[Mary forwarded this pithy story. Lots of truth in it.] An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, “You will be…

[Online answers for a Dating Site gathered from all over the ‘net. And LOVE the last one!] “I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.” “I’ve never been married, but I tell people that I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.” “Not sure why I’m…

[Yes, first of the month and time for some clever, witty, humorous or droll word-play. Or the normal grif.net lame puns. You’re welcome.] I found that reading while sun-bathing actually makes a person well red. ~~ I support the yogurt industry. It’s the only culture some people will ever have.…

[I am happy to have lost 110# and kept it off. Except when I go on vacation or a cruise . . or have the grandkids for 15 days of non-stop feasting. So am back on my diet for a couple weeks to shed the 20# I gained. Which causes…

[Some thought-provoking questions? Some funny, some deep.] What if the Indiana Jones movies are just the dreams of Han Solo while frozen in carbonite? What if “Get Out of Jail Free” cards worked in real life? Would people steal Monopoly Games off store shelves? What if telephones automatically cut off…

Several folk in our office were sitting in the break room having a coffee break one morning. One of them opened up the newspaper and read everyone’s horoscope. When she finished, a colleague asked her about her personal belief regarding horoscopes. “Gwen,” she said, “Do you really believe in astrology?”…

[Taken from: “The Ozarks Sentinel” Editorial Page; interesting thoughts on a controversial subject] Is Missouri the “smartest state in the union” since it has no illegal’s? And folks around America are asking, “Shouldn’t MY state do the same?” Missouri’s approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more…