Grif.Net

[Now, Teresa doesn’t have a FaceBook account. She spends hours on the computer at her clinic working and doesn’t have any desire to waste precious free time on such trivialities. So I thought I’d post some of her “status updates” for her. You’re welcome, dear.] “The first 50 years of…

[Monthly assortment of truly lousy word play and puns] With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. Every calendar’s days are numbered. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. Those who get too…

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility. Q: ‘Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?’…

[LZ in Wisconsin suggested this story for a weekend Grif.Net] I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his…

According to the Collegiate Licensing Company here are the top ten US colleges/universities in SALES OF MERCHANDISE with their logo or name on it. Your job, if you are willing to try, is to put the TOP FIVE IN ORDER. And sadly, my beloved Badgers of Wisconsin are missing from…

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out.” “I said I have a can-do attitude. I never said I had a will-do attitude.” “If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?” “My wife is going to…

[This is a very old joke, yet every time I think about it, I smile. You will, too.] There was a duck who walked into a store and asked, “Got any candy?” The storekeeper said, “No, we don’t.” The next day, the duck went into the same store and asked…

[Rick Steves, famous travel TV personality, wrote about a friend who has been living as an ex-patriot in Moscow. Having been in St Petersburg, Moscow and other parts of Russia in past years, I kept nodding in agreement and smiling at these thoughts] You know you’ve been in Russia too…

[RL forwarded these “actual complaints” received by Thomas Cook Vacations from “dissatisfied customers”] 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” 2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to…

“I liked the old paths, when . . Moms were at home and Dads were at work. Brothers went into the Army or took up a trade, and sisters got married BEFORE having children! Crime did not pay, hard work did, and people knew the difference. Moms would cook, Dads…

[I try to be a Christian in my daily life, but every once in a while I’d like to really call someone a ******** for how they act or talk. A fellow-pastor found a clever way of ‘saying’ what he could not ‘say’.] A guy was getting ready to tee…

Our three teenagers were usually tolerant of their father’s taste in classical music, but on a long interstate trip, their patience ran thin. As the operatic tenor on the radio warbled on and on, a tired voice from the back of the van called out, “Dad, could we let this…

“Birds of a feather flock together”. This expression surfaced in 1545 in an English translation of Plato’s ‘Republic’ – “Byrdes of on kynde and color flok and flye allwayes together.” Okay, enough history. Here is a quiz about FLOCKS OF BIRDS. I will LIST various types of birds and you…