Grif.Net

Five stages of a youth pastor’s life: 1. Who is Pastor X? 2. Get me Pastor X. 3. Get me someone who preaches like Pastor X. 4. Get me a younger Pastor X. 5. Who is Pastor X? ~~ There were two people walking down the street. One was a…

I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for. I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class. I’ve learned…. That it’s those small…

Realizing that I’d put on a pound or two over Thanksgiving, I lamented to my husband, “I’m fat.” And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: “You’re not fat.” To support his position, he added, “Just look around you at others, and you will see that you…

[These are jokes inspired by -20F here this morning in Casper. And that is no joke. No one smiling.] It’s so cold this morning…an Amish farmer bought an electric blanket. It’s so cold this morning…I opened Microsoft Outlook and had frost on my Windows. It’s so cold this morning…when I…

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. Instead of the North Pole, all my presents came stamped “Amazon” this year. I tried wrapping Christmas presents, but I didn’t have the gift. I gave my wife a fork for Christmas because there was no tine like the present. I pine…

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. What do you call it when you move two 10 cent coins from your pocket your purse? A paradigm shift. What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds. What do you do with…

At our house, we had some goblin on Halloween, but a whole lot more gobblin’ at Thanksgiving. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. The ‘Prosperity Gospel’ is like preaching to acquire. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your…

“Emmanuel ‘Manny’ Ohonme grew up in Africa in an area of extreme poverty. One day, missionaries came to his community and taught the boys how to play a game called basketball. After showing them how to play, they suggested a competition and offered a prize to the winner – a…

My favorite allergy song is “Blowin’ in the Wind” by Peter Pollen Mary. My favorite bagpipe soloist sounded slightly off-kilter. My favorite bass player is very low key. My favorite music store was robbed and the thieves made off with the lute. My favorite violin teacher gave lessons for free,…

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a…

“I heard the joke that ‘you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish’. But you CAN! You simply adjust its scales.” “Having a slow day playing the piano? You sound board. But don’t date a piano technician; he will just string you along.” “I’d like to hammer this…

Two roommates got home from work one day and found that their home had been burglarized. One gal called the police to report the crime. Two hours later a police officer and his K9 partner arrived and got out of the car. The young woman shook her head and complained…

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and…