Grif.Net

Tragedy struck the home of America’s most popular poet. On July 9th, 1861, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s wife, Fanny, was near an open window sealing locks of her daughter’s hair in a packet, using hot sealing wax. It was thought that a spark from a match or a candle caused her…

[In light of my heart giving me a scare this month, I am preparing some humor on getting older] Epitaph: “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.” ~~ I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they…

It’s so cold this morning…we stopped taking baths. Last Saturday was our day to get “hoovered”. It’s so cold this morning…when we went outside to play, we could only go as far as the extension cord would allow. It’s so cold this morning…we all envied Linus and his security blanket.…

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who…

[We were asked for the “best” Top Ten “Christmas” list from decades past, but the reader couldn’t remember what it was about. Just “really funny”. So here is another old-but-kinda-good list from the Ghost of Christmas past in hopes of finding the “really funny” list.] Top Ten Useful Phrases for…

[We were asked to repost former Grif.Net “Top Ten” lists of our best Christmas humor. So here is another installment. “Best” is a vague term. Obviously.] TOP TEN EXCUSES THE INNKEEPER HAD 10. Roman’s “Stay Free” promotion a bit too successful 9. Wife said he couldn’t accept olive wood carvings…

[This is a reprint by popular demand of a past Christmas Grif.Net top ten list. If you want more of the “best”, let me know.] TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR HOLIDAY TV SPECIALS 10. Rudolph The Insurance Adjuster 9. Mary, Joseph, and the Donkey’s Wet, Hacking Cough 8. It’s an Above…

“The new ‘Divorced Barbie’ is a good idea. And she comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s bank account . . . ” ~~ “You know the song, ‘Deck the Halls?’ Well, I did…and Mr. and Mrs. Hall aren’t very happy.” ~~ “I tell my kids that Santa…

It’s so cold this morning…hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs. It’s so cold this morning…Grandpa’s teeth were chattering – in the glass. It’s so cold this morning…the dogs were wearing cats. It’s so cold this morning…Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick. It’s so cold this morning…we had to…

[Ever wonder about the abbreviation ASAP? Alden from Salt Lake, forwards this timely reminder] Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new method to…

[FINAL batch of Christmas-themed jokes for kids of all ages. Act natural. Try not to be amused.] Q. If Santa rides in a sleigh, what do elves ride in? A. Mini vans. Q. Which north pole toymaker makes toy guitars and sings, “Blue Christmas?” A. Elfis. Q. What do you…

[MORE Christmas-themed jokes for kids of all ages. Yes, you may laugh.] Q. What do we celebrate five minutes after the gifts are opened? A. Christmess. Q. Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time? A. Because he was still stuffed from Thanksgiving. Q. What song do Santa’s reindeer sing…

[Christmas-themed jokes for kids of all ages. And yes, I mean you.] Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A. A cookie sheet. Q. How did Scrooge win the football game? A. The ghost of Christmas passed. Q. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? A.…