Grif.Net

[Al suggested I post this every year at this time, and I concur.] Over the past years, I’ve read with interest stories of folks who were delayed or late and because of that “missed” the tragic Twin Tower collapses of 9/11. *A CEO was late because his son started kindergarten.…

Betty was soon to be married. More than anything, she wanted to wear the wedding dress her mother was married in. Betty’s mother was beaming with pride as she gave her consent. Later in the evening, the family gathered in the living room to wait while Betty tried on the…

[Final installation of Engineering conversions] 21) 1 trillion pins – 1 terrapin 22) 10 rations – 1 decoration 23) 100 rations: 1 C-ration 24) 2 monograms – 1 diagram 25) 8 nickels – 2 paradigms 26) 3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital – 1 I.V.…

[More engineering units little known by most people today] 11) Basic unit of laryngitis – 1 hoarsepower 12) Shortest distance between two jokes – a straight line 13) 453.6 graham crackers – 1 pound cake 14) 1 trillion microphones – 1 megaphone 15) 1 million bicycles – 2 megacycles 16)…

ENGINEERING CONVERSION CHART 1) Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter – Eskimo Pi 2) 2000 pounds of Chinese soup –  Won ton 3) 1 millionth of a mouthwash –  1 microscope 4) Time between slipping on a peel & smacking the pavement – 1 bananosecond 5) Weight an…

Has the heaviness of your old fashioned church got you weighed down? Try us! We are the new and improved Lite Church of Wyoming. Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches. We guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal. (Low Calvin, that is. It’s…

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey. When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old…

A tough old Wyoming cowboy counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this, and lived to be 93! When he died he left fourteen children, twenty-eight grandchildren, thirteen great…

A guy was walking along a Florida beach when he came across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picked up the lamp and gave it a rub. A genie appeared and informed him he had been granted one wish. The guy thought about it carefully before asking, “I…

The computer age may have gone too far. When my friend said, “Amen” after praying for supper one night, one of his children asked “Daddy, what does ‘Amen’ mean?” Before he or his wife could answer, their five-year-old responded, “Silly. It means SEND.” ~~ Dr Bob Griffin [email protected] www.grif.net “Jesus…

Feeling footloose and frisky, a featherbrained fellow forced his father to fork over his farthings. Fast he flew to foreign fields and frittered his family’s fortune, feasting fabulously with floozies and faithless friends. Flooded with flattery he financed a full-fledged fling of “funny foam” and fast food. Fleeced by his…

[Monthly offering of truly bad word plays] I saw a female deer in my rear-vision mirror. It was case of hind-sight. The family of bears posing for their family portrait experienced a true Kodiak moment. A crow is a four-letter bird. I think octopi are creepy, and make no bones…

[Concluding this week is some special advice, adapted from my wife and many other mothers who find this a bittersweet time.] In your child’s backpack or lunchbox, include a special “back-to-school kit” envelope containing these items: RUBBER BAND – to remind you of hugging and those times when you want…