Grif.Net

[Installment #4 of “politically correct” ways to say someone is “half a bubble off plumb”, as sent in to the Grif.Net by YOU all over the past couple days.] 31. About as sharp as a marble. 32. A few bricks shy of a full load. 33. If brains were dynamite,…

[Third installment of “politically correct” ways to say someone is just not too bright] 21. Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor. 22. Her sewing machine’s out of thread. 23. His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels. 24. His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.…

[Adding to Monday’s Grif.Net blog, here are ten more “politically correct” ways to say someone is just plain “dumber than a bag of hammers”] 11. He’s out surfing in Nebraska. 12. The cheese slid off his cracker. 13. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 14. Warning: Objects in mirror are…

[Now that the “R” word is taboo, ethnic jokes are not considered funny, and my own kids/grandkids would kill me if I mention ‘blonde’ . . here are some “politically correct” ways to say someone is just plain stupid] 1. A few clowns short of a circus. 2. A few…

There was a large group of people gathered. On one side of the group stood a man, Jesus. On the other side stood another, Satan. Separating them was a fence running through the group. The scene set, both Jesus and Satan began calling to people in the group. One by…

Heard that Noah’s ark was built out of wood because they didn’t have arc welders back then. Looking at buying a new bike. Heard that a new 27″ model has wheels larger than most, according to a company spokesman. Does a criminal walking down steps seem condescending to you? I…

[How my week is going can be seen in my interactions with others] I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I asked him, “Got any shoes you’re not using?” ~~ Wife asked, “Did you sleep well?” I answer honestly,…

While a friend’s husband was off at work last summer, she decided to paint a couple of rooms in the house. As he left, she got down to the task at hand. Her husband arrived home at 5:30 and smelled the distinctive odor of fresh paint. He walked into the…

[We are enjoying a few days off and celebrating the bride’s birthday in style. BUT we HAVE to have a quiz because it’s Tuesday and that is what we do. Limited time on the ‘net, so will post it and let you all fight it out. And join with Emily…

When we were teens, my buddy Wayne and I went into a bakery. When the owner wasn’t looking, Wayne stole three donuts and put them in his back pocket. He smiled and said to me, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” I replied, “Stealing is…

God made. Adam bit. Noah arked. Abraham split. Jacob fooled. Joseph ruled. Bush talked. Moses balked. Pharaoh plagued. People walked. Sea divided. Tablets guided. Promise landed. Saul freaked. David peeked. Prophets warned. Jesus born. God walked. Love talked. Anger crucified. Hope died. Love rose. Spirit flamed. Word spread. God remained.…

A fairly heavy gal went to the clinic about her weight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat only fruit and vegetables for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, I know…

[Been thinking about a lot of subjects this week. Here are a dozen conclusions I’ve reached] *Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. *Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. *When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind…