Grif.Net

It was 90F+ on Labor Day and a woman was outside working in her garden. Her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for Labor Day dinner. Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house watching baseball while she labored away on the…

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick. Suddenly, my daughter spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. “Dad, I’m thinking of something.” This announcement usually meant she had been…

[For July/August/September – as long as we get more sent in – each Friday Grif.Net will focus on real Newspaper Headlines garnered over the past years] Man Steals Clock, Faces Time Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Hospitals…

[I need new friends. Here is what happened to them in August] I have a life outside Facebook. I just can’t remember the password. I just want to be rich enough to add bacon without having to ask how much more it cost. I can tell just by looking at…

Here are a baker’s dozen questions about the human body. See how much you know (or can accurately guess) about yourself! 1. Your hair grows faster in the winter (cold) than summer (warm). True/False. 2. All the blood in your body travels through your heart once a(n) ________. 3. ___%…

[Months pass quickly, but puns last for generations. First weekday of the month, so here is another batch] The bicycle salesman broke his ankle and was unable to peddle his wares. I was offered a job making venetian blinds, but I turned it down, because it sounded like a shady…

Jane lived in Green Bay and Julie lived in LaCrosse. They both were wealthy and loved having their hair done at Pierre’s Boutique near the state capitol building in Madison. As fate would have it, one day they both decided to have their hair done. They each called Pierre, but…

WHEN I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard. MY KIDS see beautiful flowers as a present for Mom. And fun blowing the white fluff that make wishes on. WHEN I look at an old drunk and…

[For July/August/September, the Friday Grif.Net humor is real Newspaper Headlines collected over the past years] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply Residents Can Drop Off Trees Local High School Dropouts…

[our odyssey of really bad word plays for August continues – just a couple more and then back to normal bad humor] This English landlady had a couple of struggling poets for tenants. Seems the poor fellows got behind in their rent, and the landlady was unable to have them…

Smitty was a heating and cooling technician. His assistant was a small chimpanzee he had trained to do all the duct work. The chimp had no fear of heights or confined spaces, and besides, he didn’t have to be paid. One day, Smitty got a call from a customer who…

John got a new Wiener Dog, but didn’t want to have puppies so he got her fixed. However, somehow his dog still got pregnant, and even had identical twin puppies! The media loved it and soon she was a celebrity. John wrote a book about her and even had a…

Two painters, one an old man and the other his young apprentice, were painting a very large home. It was getting late in the day when they reached the second floor. There ahead of them was a lengthy corridor. The older painter said, “I’ve had enough for one day. I’m…